Chapter 1
Balance and Performance
Greg has been a friend for years. As a social worker and a therapist, hes a smart man and a wise man. Hes also a smoker two packs a day for over 27 years. Hes now in his early 50s.
His wife, Linda, suffers from one of those nasty, chronic, non-specific, undiagnosable diseases. She has been suffering from it for years, and of course Greg is also suffering as he watches her steady deterioration and possible death.
Greg has responded to the enormous strain in his life in a number of ways: Hes thrown himself into his work, took up biking, and stopped his caffeine intake after noon.
In other words, Greg did a lot of things to restore a healthy balance in his life, and doing so enhanced his performance as a husband, as a professional, and as a caring human being.
But he continued to smoke.
Then he had what the doctors called a heart event not a heart attack, but serious. You are lucky to be alive, his physician told him. You should have had a heart attack. After he was taken to the hospital and they put a stent in one of his arteries, he had a lot of time to reflect. That was Gregs wake-up call.
Greg is now biking over 100 miles a week and is steadily losing weight. He even quit smoking cold turkey. He knows it wont be easy to regain his balance hes a human being like the rest of us but hes finally moving in the right direction.
The Question
Heres my question: Why must it take the impending death of a loved one, or your own near-death experience, to get you to do what you already know you should be doing?
Greg is a very intelligent man, and he responded to Lindas illness by doing many of the things I advocate in this book. He looked after his physical health, getting more exercise and keeping a lid on his drinking and caffeine. He balanced his energy for work and family, and he connected with his friends. He rediscovered the spiritual perspective in his life.
That was great, but it was not enough. It took a glimpse of his own death to make Greg really get it. And by that time, he had to go to extremes cold turkey nicotine withdrawal and 100+ miles per week on his bike to restore his life to balance. My point is this: Had he been balancing the different areas of his life better in the first place, he would not have had such a close call.
Of course, we dont know if his early action would have had any impact on Lindas health problems. But Gregs doctor is right hes a lucky man. He has taken advantage of that luck to turn his life around. But isnt it better to turn it around before the crisis hits so that we will be solidly on our feet, ready to perform in the often unpredictable ways life demands of us? Especially if it involves remembering to do some of the things that we probably already know we should be doing. Secrets of the Obvious. Or as my friend Alex suggested I call this book: Duh!
Recently, I was out for a jog and I ran into a guy, a total stranger, who had some sort of device attached to his chest. I struck up a conversation with him, and he told me it was a heart monitor. I asked him why he was wearing it. I had a heart attack two years ago, he explained, and it changed my life. Why should it take a heart attack for him to change? We are the species with the big brains. We can read about heart attacks and how to prevent them without having one of our own.
Gregs situation is not unusual, though its seriousness may be. The specific details, of course, will vary. But many people find their lives out of balance today, and a crisis of one kind or another is eventually just around the corner. It may not be life-threatening, but it will be something something at work, something in the family, something in your own health or the health of a loved one. Something that will require us to perform at our highest levels. Crises happen. Stuff happens. You know what I mean. There is no way we can go through life and not be tested by life events. So how can we be prepared to deal with whatever comes our way and maybe even save our life? By deal with I really mean handle with grace and equanimity, not with teeth clenched, gasping for air. The goal is to move through challenges without freaking out. When crises do happen, the goal is not to merely survive, but to thrive.
Im not simply trying to warn you about stress and to suggest stress management techniques, though many business groups I have talked with find what I have to say very useful in dealing with the accelerating pressures in the competitive corporate world. But leading a balanced life is the way to improve your performance in all areas of your life on the job, but also as a husband or wife, as a father or mother, son or daughter, or friend. Leading a balanced life will make you a better person. A more effective person. A higher performing person. A more satisfied person. A happier person. A more fulfilled person. A person who can handle adversity and tragedy with grace. This is true, I believe, whether you are facing the stress of a crisis or dealing with the routine demands of your life. Performance matters.
Why do some people juggle multiple demands and responsibilities with grace, while other people facing the exact same circumstances wither and fold? There is a reason and its not just bad luck. In fact, luck has nothing to do with it. Balance matters.
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