What is Hairapy?
I tell my physician clients that I think I should be able to write prescriptions for certain mood altering medications. It seems fairly obvious to me who needs meds, who needs therapy, and who just needs to pull their head out of their ass.
They laugh and suggest that perhaps I should just refer those who I believe need help to the appropriate professionals. Ok. Fine. I can do that. I know plenty of psychiatrists, psychologists, family practice physicians and therapists.
But something needed to be done for the people who dont really need medicine or therapy. I wrote this book for them. Well, for us. This is a prescription for those of us who need to pull our heads out of our asses.
I have heard people say that bartenders hear everything, but let me tell you: Hairdressers hear more. We stand behind you, touching you, and for many people, that creates a feeling of safety that enables them to share the deepest, scariest parts of themselves and their lives.
Add to that the fact that hairdressers build relationships with clients that become more than just business. We are there through weddings, divorces, babies & tragedies. Our clients are a part of our lives. The salon is the center of my world. I met my husband through the salon, and I met my children (I adopted them when they were 4 and 6 years old) there as well. I have friends I cant imagine my life without who started as clients.
I never know what new adventure will walk though the front door and into my life.
Cahpter 1: I have as many issues as anybody
I feel compelled to share this philosophy with you, not because my life is perfect and without hurdles (far from it!) but because I have these hurdles. I have been a wreck and I have been happy. Happy is better.
Here is a list of some of my issues (so you know I am not some Pollyanna who doesnt understand that life can be rough):
I have a brother who doesnt speak to me. I have stopped wondering why and just accept any contact he sends my way with love and grace. This year I got a birthday email from him that said, OK, happy f***ing birthday. I imagine that this email followed a conversation with his wife, our mother, or our brother that went something like this: Oh for crying out loud, cant you just wish your sister a happy f***ing birthday? I graciously replied to his email, Thank you!
I have a 15 year old son who, one hour after leaving a 30 day lock-down drug treatment program (after being arrested on a bench warrant issued by his probation officer) ran away. Again.
I have a mouthy 14 year old daughter who knows everything and thinks I am an idiot.
I was once a mouthy 14 year old who knew everything and thought my mother was an idiot. (Shes gotten a lot smarter since then.)
I have been divorced.
I have been depressed & medicated.
I have been depressed and self-medicated!
I have been to therapy.
Today I choose to be happy. You can, too.
You are responsible for your own happiness
People ask me how I can keep it together when things go wrong; especially when it comes to my son. I have given this a great deal of thought, because it comes up a lot.
The first question is How can you be so calm when your son is a runaway and you dont know where he is or if he is OK? That question is often followed by the statement, If it were me, I would be freaking out!
Lets dissect this.
First is the question: how can I be calm?
Well, I tried freaking out, and I tried crying myself to sleep, and I tried staring at the wall in a semi-catatonic state of depression. None of those approaches made the situation any better. In fact, the only thing they did was take a physical, emotional and spiritual toll on me.
Second is the statement: if it were me.
I had to get over the guilt I felt for choosing to be happy, even though things were crappy. I felt that I was being judged. I felt that people were thinking that if I were a good mother I would be freaking out and that any other response meant that I was inadequate, uncaring and wrong.
I have read a lot of books written by survivors of tragedy, and the one thing I can tell you they all say is that at some point, you have to make a choice to go on with your life.
If you spend all your time dwelling on things over which you have no control, you miss out on the things you can control. If you get nothing else from this book, get this. Every human being deserves happiness. You choose it. You choose your mood and your outlook. Things can be bumpy in your life and you can still choose to be happy!
Life is a smorgasbord. There is a big, long table full of choices, and theres just not room for all of them on your plate. Are you going to fill up your plate with misery or are you going to choose happiness (and maybe some pie)?