What Time Is It?
NO ONE DOUBTED how my father felt about me. I was his favorite. His face gleamed, and his soft-gray eyes twinkled each time he bragged about his child with red hair. Everything I did was remarkable and quite special to him. There were times when others downplayed my worth, but I was never inferior in his mind. Out of my entire family, Daddy was the one who cared about me. Even strangers could see how much he adored me. No wonder my siblings despised me.
Mama and my brothers and sisters never seemed to respect Daddy. First and foremost, he was the wrong religion. And he was somewhat worldly and a great deal more social than they could accept. A vivacious party man at heart, his sense of humor often had tinges of naughty around the edges. He never fit in with the family. It always seemed to me that Mama and the others were afraid to livesomehow afraid to let go and really enjoy life.
It was clear to me that Daddy and I were outsiders. I always understood his longing for an acknowledgment of his abilities and uniqueness, because I wanted recognition too. We were alikedeeply needing to be accepted, while refusing to give an inch to compromise our strong beliefs. Identifying with Daddy began when I was very young and became the most significant influence in my approach to life.
My stormiest search for answers began on a sunny summer afternoon in l988. That first glimpse at the hidden reality of my life didnt come in a dramatic way. Noit came more as a whisper, easy as moonlight filters through the clouds to quietly illuminate the shadows. Shadows I had successfully used to protect myself from the brutal truth.
With no one else home, I was downstairs lying on the recreation room couch, taking full advantage of a chance to kick back. I had showered and leisurely dressed before relaxing in the safety of my solitude. The expansive sliding glass doors were opened wide, permitting a soft breeze to brush across my freshly scrubbed face. My mind was lazily driftingin sync with the subtle movement of the sunlit lake.
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