The night I was supposed to drive back to Ohio, at the very last minute, I decided I wasn’t going to and I saw my life in Jacksonville where the world made sense to me. Calling my dad and informing him about my decision was one of the hardest calls I’ve ever had to make. I bawled for many hours that night because deep down I knew it wasn’t right. After staying, things got much worse than I anticipated.
When I decided to stay, I stayed with the wrong people. I considered them like a second family to me. I should have known that blood is thicker than water though. I had a good job working for them, but working and living together is never a good idea. I eventually left that job and the family due to conflicting issues. I ended up crashing on a few couches, homeless with almost no money left in my account and realizing the mistakes I had made.
Instead of getting my life on track, I partied and drank when the opportunity presented itself. Opportunities to go out and get inebriated always came knocking because everyone I knew loved to party and with lots of people. That meant free liquor. When it came to clubs, others covered my admission, but after awhile, you start to feel like a bum when you have no cash and nowhere to call home.
A few weeks later, I ended up calling my parents for money. My dad wired me five-hundred dollars to get my life together. It’s amazing because I hardly kept in contact with my parents while I was in Jacksonville, but they were still willing to bail me out of trouble. Within a few hours, I was bee lining it to a club that my friends and I loved to go to. It has five clubs built all into one building. I liquored myself up and bought shots for all of my friends there. Can we say, drinking problem?
Around this time, I found somewhere to stay for a short while. It wasn’t going to come without a catch, which was rent, even if I was just crashing on their couch. The money was running low after a couple days, so I did what I felt at that time was the best decision for me; I decided to sell my 2002 “Nissan” Crew Cab truck. I owed nothing on it either. It took me awhile to get it sold, but with help, I did it. I had about nine-thousand dollars in cash and the first thing I did was head straight for the club we went to weekly to celebrate. After that night, my summer became a repeat of celebrating that money at the club and I was starting to get deep into my addictions.
A month and a half went by where I kept myself under the influence so I wouldn’t have to face reality. In time, I realized I needed help and I needed help fast. I was barely speaking to my parents and seeing their name show up on the caller ID of my cell phone gave me anxiety attacks. I really felt guilty and ashamed of myself. I had blown two-grand if not more in a month just on alcohol, fast food, gas money, having fun and the clubs. It was like a routine I could not escape; wash, rinse, dry, repeat. In my situation, it was sleep all day, party or hit up the clubs, eat fast food late at night and back to sleep on the couch. Sad, I know.
One morning around 5AM, I laid there on that couch thinking about how out of control my life was. I started to think about my future. I didn’t see one. I wondered about what I was even good at. What career could I possibly have, school was never for me. I laid there contemplating until it hit me so hard my heart nearly skipped a beat. I realized how many people came to me for advice and drama. I wasn’t exactly getting anything for those “sessions” either. Therefore, I realized I’m good at helping people. Then I started to think how I could turn that into something productive, a way where it became a career without college.
After awhile, the idea hit me that I could write a book! I grabbed some paper and a pen so that I could start jotting down ideas for it. I came up with the idea of writing a book about young people like me. It would expose the raw truth of what really goes on and put use to those “sessions” of therapy with others. Maybe it would help those that may have or currently are experiencing situations I would know about. I felt stoked over the idea, it was the first time I had felt alive in God only knows how long.
A few days later, I gave my parents a call and shared my idea with them. I had decided that I needed to get the hell out of Jacksonville and get my life together. I asked them if I could come back to my little “hideout” in their basement. They were skeptical about me returning home, but agreed it was best. I mean what better place to write a book than the middle of nowhere, cut off from the “real world?”
So began the action behind the idea of this book. Life truly is about taking risks, and I took a risk to pursue a dream that not only would help cleanse myself of my past, but help those through the challenges life gives them at the same time. So get ready, you’re about to take a walk down memory lane with me. Enjoy my rollercoaster ride through youth and prepare to run into at least one chapter that hits close to home for you. These are my stories.
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