In caring for the many elderly people I have and continue to, in my life, there has been one thing they all have in common, their physical appearance. When you first see an elderly person, you are aware of the wrinkled skin from years of struggles and accomplishments. The eyes filled with wisdom and knowledge. One’s physical body, possibly not cooperating as well, now needing the assistance from a walker or wheelchair. Hands aged from the years of hard work or the mid day sun from fishing, as my dad’s had been.
I too, see these things but I also see something different. Their eyes are filled with the memories of the little girl giggles or the little boy mischief. And all are filled with a lifetime of treasures. In talking and spending time with my lovely aged friends, I have come to know that we miss out, when we don’t take the time to ask questions. To tell one of our stories that will spark a memory of their youth and promote one of their stories. Which, in turn while telling their story brings such wonder to them, for a memory that hadn’t been told for a ‘very long time.’ I have found when sharing, just a portion of a situation that I recall, I can see the wheels turning in their head.through their eyes. It might take a while to get the memory out, to find the proper words to express their treasured memory but when it does come out, it is with utter joy and excitement that again, they have recalled this “Wonderful Moment in Time”.
The word remember, is not often used by me when addressing my elderly friends. It seems when they hear that word, there is an automatic pressure put on them, ‘to remember’. Instead I use the word, recall or use a sentence such as, “I had a dog named Patches when I was a little girl, did you ever have a dog?” And then most importantly give them the time to think about it and tell you their answer.
So often, when someone, especially an elderly person is asked a question, we tend to answer for him or her. We don’t have to answer for them; we just need to wait and pause giving them the time, to gather their thoughts and then put them into words.
Let’s not forget that we are talking to people just like us. The same people, who used to disobey their parents, pull pranks on their siblings or friends, tried to hide a bad grade from school, experienced young love, getting nervous for their first kiss or their honeymoon night. People who are no different from you or me, just older, wiser and needing assistance. I try to remember, while I can, that I too, will be older, hopefully wiser and possibly needing assistance. If I do need assistance, I would like to know, that someone will take the time to hear my stories, ask about my friends and family and know that in these eyes they carry a lifetime of wonderful stories from someone who has seen a lot, lived a lot and gathered information from those who did the same, long before I was ever born.
I have referenced the word time approximately 235 times in my book. Initially I thought this should be changed. In hindsight decided to make the word italicized to bring attention to it. Often I am drawn to remind people who are in the situation as I was with my dad and now am with my profession, that time can be your best friend when your vacation is going by slowly and every moment is relaxing. Or time can be your worst enemy when you are afflicted with a disability of Alzheimer’s or being dependent on your family. Embrace the time either way and know just as that vacation will end, so will your parents needs…. don’t rush either.
During my story I never put a name or picture of my dad, as I don’t want these thoughts to only be about my parent. It can be anyone’s loved one with Alzheimer’s or the aging process as a whole. The ideas and theories are the same and we all need encouragement through this journey.
Hopefully you will find something in these words. An idea you might want to try, a thought that never occurred to you or maybe just some words of comfort from someone who’s been where you are and can understand where you are going. Most importantly, remember to always enjoy and treasure the time you spend with the ones you love.
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