Dining on a Dodgy Digit
Dudley, a continental waiter, had been employed at the fabulous Oak Plantation Restaurant for many years. As he came with excellent references, management had had no qualms about hiring him. He had given them no reason to regret their decision. So, when regular customers such as the Jacobs family arrived to celebrate Sarah’s fifth birthday, Dudley was tasked with ensuring that they receive service of the highest quality.
No one noticed the wince of pain that flitted across Dudley’s face, as he stood with his hands behind his back, reciting the specials of the day. Orders were placed, and the party of seven settled down to enjoy their drinks, catching up on each other’s news.
The first course arrived. Rob Jacobs experienced a moment of unease when Dudley placed a bowl of Lemongrass soup in front of him. There was nothing wrong with the soup, but Rob couldn’t help but notice that Dudley’s thumb was fully submerged in the usually delicious broth. Not wanting to make a fuss at a happy family occasion, Rob accepted Dudley’s enthusiastic encouragement to enjoy his food, but remained unimpressed when Dudley strolled away, sucking his thumb.
As the drinks and conversation flowed, Rob managed to push the incident to the back of his mind. That is, until the main course arrived.
A great one for forward planning, Liz Jacobs had decided at the time of the booking a week earlier, that she would have the Shepherd’s Pie, a perfectly spiced mince meat with a hint of mint, topped with a golden crust. Her taste buds retreated in disgust, as she noticed Dudley’s thumb buried deep into the crust, causing thick gravy to bubble up from the indentation when the thumb was removed. She cast a quick glance at Rob who grimaced and shrugged as if to say, “Go ahead and make a fuss if you want to!”
But Liz didn’t like to cause trouble. Also, Dudley was being so sweet to little Sarah as he presented her with a plate of sausage and chips, that she decided to overlook his trespass into her pie. Her patience was sorely tried, however, when Dudley stuck his thumb in his mouth as he sauntered back to the kitchen.
Two things puzzled Rob. Firstly, how did Dudley stand the heat of the food brought fresh from the kitchen? Secondly, he didn’t seem at all apologetic about thumbing their food. Rob craned his neck to see if there were signs of thumbing going on at the other tables Dudley was serving, but all seemed to be in order. He then watched Lynton’s face for any sign of amusement, since he was known for his practical jokes, and could easily have set the whole thing up. Again, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
The wining and dining continued. Dudley was all smiles, checking that everyone was enjoying the meal. Matters came to a head, when Lynton’s pan-fried crepes were served ... complete with Dudley’s thumb jammed into one end. Lynton didn’t have much truck with diplomacy, and didn’t take kindly to having his favourite dessert tampered with. “What the hell are you doing sticking your thumb in my crack?” he roared, leaping up from his chair, and causing great consternation among the other diners. Especially those who didn’t have the advantage of seeing which crack Lynton was referring to.
Dudley stood shame-faced, blackcurrant sauce dripping from his thumb. He reached into his jacket, and pulled out a leaflet he’d picked up at the doctor’s surgery. Rob and Lynton snatched the leaflet away, and skimmed over a couple of paragraphs about using ice packs to reduce inflammation after certain injuries. As Dudley stuck his thumb in his mouth, they read with growing alarm the section that recommended heat packs for similar injuries.
They both looked at Dudley in disbelief, as he removed his thumb from his mouth, and showed them the offending digit. It was red and swollen like a lollipop, oozing, with bits of skin flaking off around the edge. Dudley sobbed that the warm food had been his only remedy for the pain over the last four days.
Screeching with horror, Liz stood up and tried to handbag him, as management raced to the scene. As the angry mob chased him through a side door, Dudley thanked his lucky stars that his feet weren’t similarly afflicted.
Dudley and his abscess have since been notably absent from the Oak Plantation Restaurant.
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