Grief is the emotional response we experience when we suffer a loss of any kind. The more severe the loss, the more severe the grief will be. Grief that comes from severe loss touches us at the very heart of where we live, and our whole being is affected.
It is so important that we learn to be gentle and kind to ourselves at this time. This is not a normal time. This is a time of depression. To love one deeply and then to lose him or her is to suffer depression and deep sadness. A vacuum is left in your heart. No one else can fill a big hole that is there. Ones life is changed forever and will never be the same.
To grieve you must resist the temptation to go on as usual. You may be tempted to keep a very busy schedule and thereby forget your sorrow. This will not work. Grief time must now have a real part of your schedule and your agenda. Perhaps you have given your life to your job or to your family. Perhaps you have been very thoughtful and kind to others. Now is the time to be kind and thoughtful to yourself. You will need time to be alone. You will need time to heal. It will take a great deal of time. Will you decide to be kind and gentle with yourself? Will you treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer someone else who has suffered a great loss?
A Spanish poet once wrote: Traveler, there is no path; paths are made by walking. This describes the season of grief. There is no road map for grief. There is no one who has walked in your shoes or can show you all you need to know. Your grief is so unique. You must find your way through the pain and the hurt. You can learn from fellow travelers; but still, you must make your own path. The Scripture says: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12) I would like to substitute the word grief. Work out your own grief with fear and trembling!
Grief is an emotional reaction. We are about three-fifth emotions in our inward makeup. We are not robots. We are not automatons. We are human beings. When our very being is hurt, time slows down and we must accept this truth. If you broke your leg, you would automatically know that it was going to take time to heal. You would have it put it in a cast. You would hobble around on crutches for several weeks. It would be perhaps months before your leg was back to normal. Grief resolution is similar to a broken legonly more severe and with a longer healing process. .
The more you face your pain and deal with it correctly, the sooner the deep pain will pass on. The grandmother in the mountains of North Carolina used to say: If you go into the big end of the horn, it will get harder and harder. If you go into the small end of the horn, it gets easier and easier.
The purpose of this book is to give some thoughts that can help you do the hard work of grief resolution. I have worked with people in grief over the past forty years. I do not have all the answers. No one has all the answers. Nevertheless, I hope you can glean something that will help you as you make your pathway through the jungle called grief.
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