Chapter 2 - Listening To Your Children
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care Anonymous
Listen to your children!! Even when you know they are wrong and you want to correct them for their own good, listen to them first. Nothing validates a persons self-worth like being listened to! You can always have the last word, yet they should have a chance to express their thoughts and feelings.
Think back to the last time someone didnt listen to you. Stop reading right now and remember a specific incident where someone just did not listen to you. How did you feel? Probably not very good. Now, did you really listen to the other person once you felt they werent listening to you? Probably not. Remember this the next time your child does not seem to be listening to you. Did you listen to him or her?
ACTIVITY: Take a few minutes to listen to your children NOW. Be genuinely interested and ask good questions such as What did you do in school today?, What is your favorite subject?, Who is your favorite teacher and why? If you could do anything you wanted this weekend, what would you do? etc.
NOTE: Get into the habit of doing things now. Talk with you children today.
Chapter 5 - Discipline The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. Duke of Windsor Discipline is a basic! Without it, no firm foundation for success and happiness can be laid. Children want evenhanded discipline (even though they may not know it); it shows their parents care about helping them. This indicates that they want their children to become adults who will create a better world for all.
One of the greatest challenges a parent has is to be aware that disciplining children does not equal punishing them. I think this point is so important that I want to repeat it disciplining children does not equal punishing them; rather disciplining children is a way to help them establish boundaries and become responsible for their actions. It helps them to know what is acceptable and what to expect if they cross the line.
Many times as a child and as a teenager I remember hating the consequences that I had to face as a result of my behavior. Countless times as an adult I have thought of my upbringing and thanked God that my parents had the strength to guide me to develop good habits that have served me well.
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when hes really in trouble. Dennis Fakes
A few critical components in applying discipline are: * Be consistent. Do not discipline them one time and let them off the next. * Never discipline a child when you are angry. Get control of your emotions before applying discipline or setting the punishment. * Apply consequences with purpose and love. Remember that in addition to being loving, you must also be firm in disciplining them. Let your child know that you mean business.
The best cure for anger is delay. Seneca
Chapter 6 - Separate The Behavior From The Child
A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Make sure to separate the behavior from the child when disciplining. Never tell a child that he or she is bad. Always talk about the behavior, not the person. If they have misbehaved, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable, but they are great! By separating the child from his or her behavior, you allow the child to do the same. They learn to not associate behavior with their self-image.
Chapter 7 - Express Your Love To Your Children Express your love to them! I know so many parents who really love their children, but do not know how to express it. They assume their children know how much they are loved these parents are mistaken! Children need daily reinforcement.
Hug your children every day! A hug and a kiss are free and are two of the most valuable gifts in the world. Everyone needs to feel loved. If at first you or your child is uncomfortable with this show of affection, that is o.k. Hug them anyway. The more you hug them, the easier it becomes. Be a good role model in expressing your feelings. If you have not been an affectionate parent start becoming one. Touch can heal, encourage, support and console.
ACTIVITY: Here is a wonderful habit to develop. Every night tell each child before they go to sleep you are a good (boy/girl), I love you, and you can do anything you put your mind to. Start tonight!
Imagine if every day of your life you heard that you were a good person, you were loved and that you could accomplish anything you put your mind to. Dont you think your subconscious mind would have these messages firmly implanted? Of course it would!
Chapter 19 - Accepting The Differences In Children Have you ever heard, Why cant you be more like your brother or sister? What a negative reinforcement! This message conveys that the child is not adequate as he or she is. What we want to say is the behavior of the other child is more acceptable to us. The next sentence is probably the MOST important sentence in this whole book. Please read it several times.
The most critical thing necessary to improve a childs self-esteem is to accept them as they are now!
ACTIVITY: Have each child make a Success List. A Success List is simply a list of things the child has accomplished, or the reasons why they feel good about themselves. It should be posted where they can see it every day. As a parent, you could also make a list for them as to the good qualities that you see in them.
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