Book Excerpt
LEARNING TO LET GO "There is truth in the saying Let Go and Let God"
This is a difficult subject to discuss, yet I feel it is pertinent that we address it fully. What we believe about letting go will have a major impact on our existence, because we are not dealing so much with letting go of negative thoughts as we are dealing with letting go of the negative people in our lives. To be happy, productive people, I honestly believe we have to rid ourselves of those around us who are bringing us down by their words and/or behavior. Although some people would say "never give up on anyone, they can change...they can turn their life around." While that may be possible, many times they can't or won't change until they are forced to do so; when that safety net (usually us) has been removed from under their feet. So I say let them go, let them change, and when and if they do change only then should they be taken back into your life. You don't show you love them by keeping them around, you show you love them by letting them go. I will explain that point further as we progress through this lesson.
One day I was talking to an older friend of mine and she was telling me how she was having some problems with her baby. How old is he? I asked. "Oh, he's 35." She nonchalantly responded. I said "35? I hope you are not still changing his diapers!" She went on to explain how he had this problem. Anything he picked up, he thought belonged to him. This habit got so bad that one day he stole her car. She called the police and had him taken to jail. When he was released, she let him come back home. Then he stole her jewelry. Again she called the police and had him taken to jail. But when he was released, she let him come back home. He returned the kindness by stealing $4000 from her savings. And yet again she had him arrested, but upon release he was right back home. So I said to her "Lady, don't you know you need to let him go!"
Her arguments against letting go were not new ones. "But he can't take care of himself, he has no job, he needs to feel safe and secure, I can't bare to see him struggle, because I love him." And my response to her was that if you love someone, sometimes you need to let them go, and if they come back to you RUN! I say run because they might just be bringing those troubles right back into your life. We shouldn't be taking that person back into our world until we are certain that they have reformed. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. Well the same is true for people. You can lead them down the right path in life, but you cannot make them do the right things. So why punish yourself with such a task? There is truth to the old saying, "Let go, and let God."
This topic was one of the earliest presentations I gave in my professional speaking career. It also marked the first time I was able to experience the life-changing power of this topic. The day after I gave the presentation, I received an e-mail from one of the attendees present that day.
She talked of how the power of the message truly changed her life. She has a son in his upper twenties who has been a depressant on the household. He would not hold down a job, he did not provide any money to the household, but freely took as he saw fit, and he frequently came into the house late at night high on drugs and alcohol. As much as she wanted to let him go, she said she lacked the strength. That is, until she heard my message. She said she finally had the courage to do what she needed to do years before, let him go.
You see, there is something we need to learn. We do not teach babies how to walk, right? They take a step, fall down, get back up and try again. Well, we cannot teach adults how to walk either, so sometimes when they fall down, we have to let them pick themselves back up. Otherwise, they will never learn how to walk on their own. Now I am not saying that we need to ignore them and never help them out. Sometimes we should help. But we should not be their safety net forever. It is not good for their development into responsible adults, and it is definitely not good for our mental well-being.
When I say, let go, I am not saying that you should never speak to them again in your life. What I am saying is that you should let them know in no uncertain terms that you cannot be their keeper forever. You must let them know that you have your own life to lead and your own problems to work through. You deserve more out of life than tending to everyone elses problems. If you do that, you will only make yourself miserable in the long run. That is why I say we must learn to let go. They deserve a better life, but so do we. We made our bed, they made their bed as well. Each of us must lie in the bed that we made for ourselves.
It is not only children we need to let go of, sometimes it is that significant other, or maybe even that parent. I have had to experience both instances in my life.
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