I have decided to attempt to join the twenty-first century and make a virgin foray into online dating. I learn very quickly that two people can have a glorious rapport via email and instant messaging only to meet and find that you share all the chemistry of a salt lick. It becomes painfully obvious that online dating is just like bars only theres no music and it goes on interminably. However, Im hooked for the time being and/or willing to give it a fair trial. And, somehow, being rejected in an email just isnt as bad as having it happen in your face. Actually, I thought about posting an ad, and even started writing one. But it was hard not to do the same thing everyone else did, which was to succumb to creating a shopping list for your perfect match. After reading a half a dozen profiles, they started to all sound the same: easily rolling into one giant, gay Maria von Trapp, enumerating endless preferences to the obvious, understood Richard Rogers tune: Cream colored biceps and crew cuts and Crawford; Ballet and opera whenever theyre offered, Sunsets on beaches and dungeons with slings; These are a few of my favorite things. So Ive settled for simply shopping for the time being. I only respond to ads with pictures; you have to know if theyre in the ballpark of something you could stand to look at for the rest of your life, right? This seems totally pragmatic and sensible. I always send a very recent, very real photo that took forever to pick out since photos of me always look like excerpts from The Night Gallery. But I found one that vaguely gives off that Im the nice guy next door image instead of the Im the axe murderer who ate your mother look. So Im cyber cruising. Whod a thunk?
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