The smooth elegance of Count Basies blues were emanating from the den where he had suffered the losing end of so many arguments during his childhood as Paul moved through the main hallway, toward the sound of his mothers peaceful humming. At first he was content to simply poke his head around the corner and admire Caroline Kendall from a distance. At fifty-four, there were two streaks of gray in her otherwise dark auburn hair, but she moved with the grace of someone much younger, gently swaying to the music playing on the turntable and quietly mouthing some of the words as Basie played on. His father had never much liked the blues, preferring classical music, so that many of his memories were set to background music forever linked with the events in his mind. His mother was obviously enjoying an afternoon of freedom after the many evenings with Bach and Rachmaninov that they had all sat through at Bud Kendalls request over the years. He was tempted to turn and leave her to the music and her meanderings, but she pivoted toward him as side 1 of the LP signaled its completion with a burst of static. Her face reddened slightly, but she smiled at him with genuine affection as she began to place the record back in its sleeve. Sorry. he told her.

She giggled slightly. Dont be. I never could carry a tune.

You sounded beautiful. Play another one. Its been a long time since we sat and listened to your records.

I know one youll remember. she said, bending down and digging through a stack of records in the bottom of the stereo cabinet. After a moment, she pulled a particularly faded sleeve from the pile and removed the record inside, setting it up on the turntable. They both shared a laugh as David Cassidy began singing I Think I Love You amid the thirty-year-old scratches in the vinyl.

This used to be my favorite show.

She smiled at the recollection. I know. You wanted to be Keith, I think.

He nodded slightly. Just wanted him, period. He caught a glimpse of the falter in her grin, but she quickly moved on to break the awkward silence.

Ive been going to the local PFLAG meetings for a while now. she put forth.

His eyes widened slightly, but he recovered quickly. Thats good. Is it helping?

Yeah. she replied, fixing him with a steady gaze of contentment. I wanted to understand things betternot just about you, but about me too. When he merely nodded, she pondered whether she should continue. Paul sensed that she was struggling for words, and so allowed the moments to pass while she gathered her thoughts. I know its selfish of me to ask for forgivenessI meanits not likeI dont knowIm just so sorry I wasnt there for you. she said, finishing in a direct tone of voice which belied the tears welling up in her eyes.

He hadnt wanted to breach this subject directly, but her plea left him no choice. Much as he tried to muster up the tears of anger and resentment which had been festering within him so that he might have the confrontation he had dreamed of, her threatening tears and genuine show of concern for him eradicated all else. He could, however, still give her the honest truth. You hurt me. he replied simply. When I first left, I never felt so alone.

He could hear her holding back a sob. She frantically wiped her eyes before responding. Are you all right? Are you happy?

Thats a tough question. Ive been in and out of therapy for three years now. I dont know if Im capable of being happy. But if I wasnt being true to myself, I wouldnt stand a chance.

I know. she said, nodding.

What did Dad say about the meetings?

Her face became contorted with inner fury. We havent said much at all in the past few years. Your fathers a bitter, hateful man.

I figured that out when he told me he would die without a son.

Oh my God. she said, cupping a hand over her mouth in exasperation. Im so sorry. she told him, caressing his hand gently. I knew he wouldnt have anything good to say, but I prayed he would make peace with you. I never would have asked you to visit him if I had known. I wanted this thing repaired between the two of you.

No chance of that.

Paul she began hesitantly, I know its been a long time, but I want to be a part of your life again. I know I dont deserve any consideration after the way I treated you, but I cant lose you ever again.

He smiled, what little defiance he had managed disappearing as she spoke. Id like that. he told her, and he hugged her tight against his body, letting out a long, mournful sigh as years of frustration melted into the embrace and out of his system for good.