Amber fell back on her bed and let the fatigue of the days activities settle over her body like a blanket. She yawned and felt the burn in her tired eyes. She reached for the lamp switch and slid under the covers. She quickly fell asleep and dreamt of the search she was about to embark upon.

In her parents bedroom Julie and John lay in bed staring at the ceiling and talked about Amber. The yard light installed by the power and electric co-op cast a dim yellow glow on the bedroom walls. Julie propped herself against the headboard with a couple of pillows.

Youve got Amber asking a lot of questions about Chet and your book, she said just above a whisper.

I sure would like to have that book back, John said as he yawned.

I think that shes planning on tracking down Chet.

Good luck to her, John chuckled. Thats a tall task. But maybe the research will distract her. Maybe it will take her mind off of her own problems for a while.

Thats fine as long as shes just making a few calls and going to Tulsa to talk to people at his old job. Julie turned toward John in the darkness and could see his silhouette against the bedroom window. Im just afraid that shell start a cross country search for Chet. Then she ignores her own issues, her own life.

Maybe thats what she needs, John said thoughtfully. Shes rushed into a lot of decisions. Maybe she needs to look in another direction for a little while. Let her take a break from looking at her own life. Maybe shell find some answers for herself in the process.

Julie reached for Johns hand in the darkness. She fought back the tears and sighed.

She could go the other way, too, she said softly. She might lose herself. We had to give Doc Wilson all of those observation reports of her irrational behavior over these last few months. Phil didnt hold back anything. Remember that Doc recommended committing her.

John could hear Julie crying softly into her pillow. He knew that Julie had been strong all her life. She was strong for John when he needed her the most. It was her idea to start the foster home years ago. She still put in a full days work around the house even though they had retired and turned the farm over to the other families.

Julie had always had a weak spot when it came to dealing with their daughter. She had always seemed less sure of herself when Amber was born. Julie said that it felt different raising her own flesh and blood compared to the raising of the foster children. She had said that with foster children they shared the responsibility with the state. With their own children they were on their own.

John never really understood the distinction she was trying to make. They had talked about it at length. But John couldnt make the connection with what Julie was feeling about Amber. He suspected that Amber was her blind spot in some ways. Julie lost her objectivity somehow with her own child, John suspected. He turned toward her in the darkness and patted her arm.

Julie, he whispered, weve got to let her go. Shes grown up. She knows her own mind. Shes just different from the others. She wants more out of life than what she has seen so far. Shes tried to do things our way, or the way she thought we expected. Now its time to let her figure things out for herself. Isnt that what we did so many years ago? Isnt that how weve always lived our lives?

John sat up against the headboard and let Julie nestle into his shoulder. He stroked her arm reassuringly and continued.

Remember when I turned myself in for desertion while I was in India with Mark and Reggie? He paused to recall the events from his past. Remember how we met at the orphanage when you and Fr. Wingert were working in Calcutta? I had to go to prison for a few months. Then everything worked out eventually. We got married and started the foster home. How crazy we must have looked to the world. Who else would have made that choice based on the circumstances we found ourselves in? Ambers got her own path. Maybe shes bucking against the expectations weve placed on her. Maybe shes just never had the chance to believe in something bigger than herself. We need to give her that opportunity. At her age its out of our hands anyway. But we can show some support for her. I think thats what is important right now.

He kissed the top of her head and could feel the slowing rhythm of her breathing. He turned and looked out the window into the night. The stars sparkled above the tips of the cedar trees. John loved to look at the stars. He imagined that he was a celestial navigator always looking for direction and inspiration in the shimmering lights. The stars had never steered him in the wrong direction. He thought that the stars were some kind of coded language that spoke directly to his soul while he gazed at them.

Theres a life waiting out there for her right now. And shes the only one who can make that life for herself and be happy with it. Lets give her that. Please, Julie, lets give her that.

Julie nodded her assent against his shoulder. John smiled in the darkness at the ceiling and closed his eyes. He listened to the crickets and the frogs chanting the ancient nocturnal songs. And he fell asleep under the Oklahoma sky dreaming of Calcutta.