Missing In Action
Kelly R. Hill & Hugh Mitchell Bou'vier
Preface
We, the Few.....the Proud.....and the Fatherless ! Not what you expected, right? Well, tough. That's how we've had to be since birth. We didn't expect to live our lives without our fathers.
We didn't expect to add to the millions of fatherless kids' statistics. From the day that we were born, we became initiated into a stoic type of a club. Unfortunately, there were and never will be, any fringe benefits for members or their guests.
Growing up we hid this type of membership; an all-inclusive voyage through the plaza levels of pain and rejection. We traveled through numerous birthdays feeling hurt and humiliation; coupled with inner strife and low self-esteem.
We often sit back and wonder; who was so thoughtful and granted us all of this static? We really want to thank him in some dark alley. And for us believers in God, we want to witness God's razor-sharp lightning bolts dispense some quick justice.
For most of us, that's just stating it mildly. For years, we have suffered the severe loss of being raised without our biological fathers. We have not only lost emotionally, but financially as well. To calculate the financial loss would be in the millions of billions of dollars. However, the loss to our self-esteem and the loss of not growing up hearing "I love you" from your father is irreplaceable.
We, Kelly Hill and Hugh Mitchell Bou`vier, wrote this book and produced a film on fatherlessness because this crisis is just that important to us. We spent every dime we were blessed to receive in order to bring more national awareness to this crisis. Both of us were raised in fatherless homes and the effects on us have been monumental.
We know now, that we were not alone. Research states that several million American children were going through the same issues within the same time frame.
Fatherlessness affected us and our peers in various ways with wide ranges of outcomes. Some of us and our peers were blessed to be pulled through this crisis. Several decided to hide the pain forever. Some picked it out and squashed it when they realized what had been happening to them. And far too many decided that the pressure was too much and they took their own lives.
No matter where you live or what you look like, pain and lack of love hurts at the core. We know it and you do too.
We hope that by reading this book and/or by seeing our film, you will get a better understanding of the issues of fatherlessness and father absence. Search yourselves and try to advance your souls.
Foreword
The absence of a father is a harsh reality in a child's life. The number of children in the United States who are living with that reality is on the increase. In the last decade, the numbers of single mothers increased by 33%. Households without fathers affect us all, whether we choose to be aware of it or not.
The economic factors alone are -substantial. Many children live in poverty because of desertion, divorce, and death. In fact, single mothers and their children are four times as likely to live in poverty as the general population. Those children not in poverty live in reduced circumstances because of the absence of their fathers. Statistics indicate that the standard of living for men goes up by 42% after divorce, while the standard of living for divorced women goes down by 73%. Most children of divorce live with their mothers. However, the economic repercussions of absent fathers are only part of the picture.
The emotional effects of absent fathers are even more costly. These emotional factors are powerful and long lasting for the individual children. No matter how good a job the mother and other caregivers do in raising the fatherless child, the child still carries a question about why he or she does not have a father present. Children have a way of feeling responsible. They feel that there must have been something wrong with them or that they did some terrible thing to make their father abandon them. Children internalize these messages and carry them into their adult lives -- into their work, their relationships, and the parenting of their own children.
Kelly Hill and Hugh Mitchell Bou`vier are intimately aware of the struggles of not having a father's continuing love and support. They have used their own experiences to forge the very powerful partnership that created this project. This book chronicles the development of their film from idea to finished product.
As agents of change, they have conceived, produced, and directed this film to inform us about the problem of absent fathers and to persuade all of us to work hard to change the future for our children. They have chosen to be part of the solution. What will you choose?
Allison Acken, Ph. D.
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