Excerpt Off and on throughout the winter months Anessa smelled cigarette breath when she was around Trina, so she assumed her friend was smoking, and that fact continued to trouble her. Finally, though, after much struggle, Anessa was able to quiet her internal chatter about the issue enough to ask her mirror what to do. The answer she got was: speak honestly with Trina. Tell her the truth that you are worried shell get sick. There are many things that she is and does that you can enjoy. Explore those and allow them to be enough.
Anessa spoke to her mother about this instruction, and a few days afterward, Anessa and Trina had a couple of minutes together while they cleaned up after their science project. Anessa took several deep breaths, sent loving thoughts to Trina, and to herself, as her mom had suggested she do, and then said, Trina, theres something Ive been wanting to talk to you about...
But Anessa never got the chance, because Trina abruptly interrupted and said, Yeah, I know. Its the smoking. It bothers you. You act weird around me.
Youre right. I just dont like it and I know its your right to do what you want... Anessa was once again cut off.
Youve got that right, Trina screeched, slamming a book on the desk for emphasis. Everyone tries to tell me what to do: mom, my stupid stepfather, my stepbrother, you, teachers. Cant anyone mind their own business?
Wow, sorr-eee, Anessa shot back in defense.
Good. Im glad youre sorry, Trina hurled back. In a moment her eyes welled up, Doesnt anyone like me the way I am?
If liking you the way you are means I have to worry myself sick every time I smell cigarette breath, then no, I cant like you the way you are.
Anessa flung the words at Trina who wiped away her tears and burst out with, Well, what about your stupid mirror thing? I have to deal with that.
No, you dont, but at least it doesnt stink and make you worry if your friend is going to die of a heart attack or lung cancer...
So what. But with that stupid mirror, I cant just do my hair any more. It talks to me. I ask questions, and it gives me answers. Its annoying, Trina said as she began to calm down.
Really? It works for you that easily? Anessa, momentarily forgetting the smoking issue, uttered with amazement in her voice.
Yup, pretty funny, huh? Trina said in a huff while at the same time trying to hide a smile.
Funny? Its awesome. What kinds of things are you getting? Whats the mirror telling you? Anessa couldnt wait to hear. And how do you feel?
You really care how I feel? Trina responded in amazement.
Yeah, I do, Anessa returned quietly, contemplating that truth and realizing how frightened she was for Trinas health.
Actually, it feels really neat. I like it a lot. I get answers about where to find stuff for school, what to wear, what to eat, stuff not to forget. Lots of stuff like that. As Trina shared she warmed to this very different subject.
Anything you dont like? Anessa asked cautiously. She had a strong sense that Trina had been given suggestions about smoking.
Yeah, it keeps telling me one thing I dont like, Trina mumbled turning her head away.
Whats that? Anessa pushed a little.
Not to smoke. Trina sighed. Actually, Im not really smoking very much, just when my stepbrothers around. Hes so cool, and his friends are so cute, and older, not like the immature boys in our class. But, she sighed again and with regret, hes off to college in September.
Anessa became very still thinking about how impressed she was with Trinas intuitive ability. At the same time she remembered her own intuition that had told her to enjoy the parts of Trina she liked, to be honest, and then allow her friend to make up her own mind.
Still... wasnt Trina too young to be hanging around boys who were going off to college soon? Should she say anything or just keep quiet? Anessa couldnt remain silent. What do you do when youre all hanging out together?
Oh, nothing much. Kurt, hes my stepbrother, just tells me to bug off. He kind of ignores me. The guys finish getting snacks and just hang out outside, smoking while they decide where theyre going to meet their girlfriends. Once they took me to the mall with them. I think mom pushed because she was going out. We got some stuff to eat and walked around.
Huh, was all Anessa could manage to say.
John, one of the guys, said I was pretty. He also said some stuff about... you know, Trina quietly reported.
No, I dont know. Sorry, Anessa answered.
Boy and girl stuff... sex. Trina whispered.
Really? Anessa didnt know what else to say, but she managed to sputter, Has your mom talked to you about sex?
Are you kidding? No way, Trina retorted, shocked even by the question.
You didnt talk to your mom, did you? Trina continued, incredulous at the idea.
Yeah, several times, Anessa confided.
I didnt know anyone talked to her mom about sex, Trina said, looking mystified. Then her voice dropped off because their teacher, Mr. Mathers, walked in.
I thought everyone left, Mr. Mathers said, looking around to make sure no one else had trailed behind to miss the bus. Better get to your buses, ladies.
Were just finishing up, Trina responded as she and Anessa headed out the door.
Sitting on the bus Anessa knew that her conversation with Trina was far from over on both the subject of smoking and the older guys, but she felt that she needed some added insight to continue it. Once again her mind raced, and she couldnt get a clear picture.
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