Excerpt

CARING FOR YOUR AGING LOVED ONE was written to assist the spouse, adult children, family members or friends in deal with the challenges of caring for aging loved ones or friends.

Although experience may teach us how to manage some of the problems life presents, it does not prepare us for one of the greatest challenges we may ever experience. If a family relative is cooperative (in the absence of subtle brewing dynamics in the family), we might be able to meet the minimal challenges by adjusting those skills already have in place. Those family members who may believe they are unprepared or who may lack the experience for caring for someone on a long-term basis, may also believe they are alone. Some comfort should be derived from knowing that families around the world are facing and dealing with similar problems compounded by indecision.

Readers may be approaching this book from different levels of interest and experience. For those experiencing the first awareness, this book provided step-by-step instructions for working through the care-giving process. For those already in the process or who may have been providing care for some time, the sudden change from a safe and familiar environment to one charged with a time-intensive involvement may demand a more acute intervention. One of the most difficult challenges family members face is the realization that their loved ones are no longer the same persons they have known throughout their lives.

Whether a spouse, child or friend, all face a confusing and frequently ill-prepared time of life. With constraints on their time at work, home or other obligations, all may feel that they don't have the energy or time to learn the skills needed to care for someone on a moment's notice. And yet, having a positive attitude and acquiring the knowledge needed to face such a challenge in advance of need can alleviate much of the anxiety and sense of isolation. Success takes time, patience, becoming a good detective and negotiator, and having the ability to focus on the challenges, one by one.

Driven by urgent matters requiring immediate attention, care-givers may assume they are without resources on options. Upon being notified of a relative's illness, the flush of adrenaline mixes with a battery of emotions: love, concern, distress, anxiety, inadequacy, frustration, pity, sadness and anger join in a conspiracy of unrest. Questions such as, "Why did this happen to me?" can affect the aging relative and the care-giving family members with equal force.

Unfortunately, when a relative demands long-term and urgent care, no service manual is automatically delivered to your door. Often, family members are thrown into a situation with little or no preparation. CARING FOR YOUR AGING LOVED ONE will help you function in this new and uncharted territory. Locating and arranging for community services can be time consuming and complex; knowing where to look for help can alleviate much anxiety. This process is identical to obtaining the education necessary to prepare for a career. No one should be required to arrive at a new job and be expected to perform without an orientation and the time needed to acquire the skills to perform well. Care giving for a loved one is no different and no less challenging.

Surround yourself with individuals and resources that will help you meet the challenges. Locate and read anything on the subject: books, literature, pamphlets. Contact referral agencies. Attend classes and lectures, especially those offered by experienced care-givers.

The recommendations and work sheets provided in this book will help you organize and apply the knowledge youve acquired. The opposite is equally true: delaying decisions, denying or failing to address the red-flag issues can limit your choices and produce serious consequences. Because seniors, like everyone else on earth, are unique individuals, some recommendations will be more effective than others. Challenges and situations are equally individualized, personal, different and complex. Because you know yourself and your relative better than anyone else, choose the recommendations that are best suited to your situation.

Good luck! My experience is real. As a clinician of twenty-three years working with seniors and a daughter that walked in the process moccasins with both parents, these recommendations are reality-oriented and will work.