EXCERPT
He went back up to Eliass room, lunch in hand. Elias was already eating. Thomas sat in the uncomfortable metal chair beside the bed. They were both facing the television, which was not turned on. Thomas could see their reflections in the screen, two strangers in the distance, eating.
Principal Rhodes called me. Board of Education has decided not to fire you. They said that after youve served your time that youll resume your position at the high school. Rhodes sends his best. He said hed probably come visit you after you post bail.
Elias smiled. Ed Rhodes is a butt-kissing bastard. He might have said that to impress someone who could hear him on the phone. Im glad Im never going back; I wont have to see him again.
Youre quitting?
Ive been teaching for thirty-five years. Next year Ill turn sixty. Sixty. Ive never been outside the United Statesnot even east of the Mississippi. When youre young, you think that a lifetime is a thing that goes on and on, that therell be time later to do the things that you want to do. Then you get into a rhythma circle of years and pretty soon youre not thinking about a life that stretches out forever, youre thinking about the next holiday coming up. The next school break. Summer break. The start of school. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. Pretty soon youve got thirty years in and you dont want to admit that youre old enough for retirement. You feel like shit, but you dont feel old. You feel like, even though the kids get worse every year, youve got the hang of the job. You can do it in your sleep. Besides, what the hell else you gonna do?
But then you fill out a form in the doctors office and you write your birth date and you realize that next year youll be turning sixty. Its time for me to quit. Plus, this accident, if you can call it that, is not something I want to have to go through with the other teachers or any of the staff. I certainly dont want to have to talk about it with my students, and avoiding it wouldnt be much fun, either.
What do you mean if you can call it an accident? Of course it was an accident.
I knew it was going to happen, and I did nothing. It could have been prevented. That doesnt fit the definition. I saw the future and I did nothing.
Thomas wondered how he would have reacted in such a situation. Would he have pulled over? He couldnt say for sure. He stood up and threw away what was left of his lunch. He wheeled the empty tray away from his father.
You didnt see the future. You had a strange thought, maybe, which coincided with the accident, but you didnt see the future.
All my life, Ive been a man of science. A skeptic. I thought that if God did exist, He was a watchernothing more. The lines of communication were down. Now I know that He does exist, and the price for this information was your mothers life.
Thomas had never heard his father speak this way. He was being a bit dramatic, but maybe it was understandable given the circumstances. You know, other people have visions, as you call them. Its your imagination. Maybe as a scientist, you dont fully realize the power of the imagination. Remember Griffins Screamer? The whole reason I wanted to go to Iron Wings Park the summer when I was eleven was to ride that roller coaster. And we finally got to go, and you wouldnt let me ride it. But it was more than thatyou made me scared of it.
A kid nearly died the year before on that damn thing! Of course I was scared of it. If I made you scared of it, Im not going to apologize. Youre still here, arent you? Ive never been on a roller coaster. Im still scared of them. Roller coasters are one thing, but this led to fears of flying, fears of driving on slippery roadsfear, fear, fear. Too much and you just want to lock yourself in a room. It took me twenty years to realize you can build your life around fear, and avoiding fear.
You can also make a career out of it. Isnt that what you do when you writelock yourself in a room? And youve made millions from it. That fear I put into you is a key ingredient to scaring your readers. Maybe you should embrace it a little.
Youve always been paranoid. You would see something, and the first thought in your head would be, what can go wrong here? Whats the most tragic thing that can happen? And then in the rare instance it does, you think you can see the future. But you cant.
I could have prevented the crash.
No.
Something inside me let her die that night.
Thats bullshit. I think youre just trying to take the focus off your mistake. She died because of something you wont face. The scientist made a miscalculation. Its simple--you were more drunk than you thought. As far as this hocus-pocus vision, I dont buy it.
You dont believe me.
No. I dont.
Well, you should.
Why?
You should believe me because Im your father.
Sorry, but I cant be forced to believe something. It doesnt work that way.
Im disappointed. There is more in heaven and earth than is in your philosophy.
Spare me your Shakespeare.
I just thought that, with your material, youd be a little more open-minded. Ironic, isnt it? I made my career as a man of science, the opposite of faith, and now I believe. Youve made your career on the supernatural, the opposite of reason, and you dont believe. I guess that makes both of us frauds.
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