As I drove home, I was buffeted with a mirage of feelings and emotions. Feelings I couldnt quite sort out. I had had such a remarkably wonderful day. For the first time in months, I felt like myself again, and had actually heard the sound of my own laughter. I had met a man who had turned my headeven if I didnt want to admit it to myself. He was a man with such a magnetic personality that I found myself being drawn toward him. Yet on the other hand, I felt guilty as if I had cheated on my husband and his memory.

How could I find another man attractive? I asked myself out loud.

I had had the best marriage there could ever be. I had loved and been loved once without condition. I struck out at the steering wheel with my fist, How can you feel so many emotions at the same time? I demanded.

I had had such an enjoyable day I didnt want to get on an emotional roller coaster that would take away from a simple day of fun. I drove the rest of the way home staring out the windshield not really seeing anything at all and trying not to think about anything at all.

The house was dark when I pulled in the driveway. I opened the door, turned on the night-light, made my phone call to Maggie, took a sleeping pill and went to bed. Ill think about all of this tomorrow, I told myself.