Excerpt
DAY ONE
Today was the day I took a risk. Today I took hold of my dreams, put my fears aside and decided what was most important to me. Today I quit my job to fulfill my calling in life.
Well, it didnt exactly play out as bold as I make it sound. I decided to leave my job title of Office Support Specialist, a fancy term for a step up from an intern at a local tech company, to pursue other options. I wasnt quite sure what those options were. The truth was I was the victim of job cuts at work. Selective job cuts, I should say. Actually, the only job cut.
The sweet fog of denial kept me from realizing all the resumes coming in over the fax machine werent for people whod be working as my assistant or for any of the other departments. Come to think of it, a woman called last week asking when the Office Support Specialist would be leaving. I thought she meant what time I was going home for the day. I told her five oclock.
It took me two months to land that job and I cringed to think how long it would take me to find work that paid as well. I knew the job market in Oregon was a mess, regardless of what people said about the economy improving. Unemployment checks and government assistance werent an option, as I had no idea how to navigate that maze or put aside my pride to admit Id fallen on hard times.
Had I taken my job for granted? I avoided rush hour traffic every morning to get to work a half hour early to make sure the day ran smoothly. Id skip lunch, stay late and take work home. I proved myself a loyal employee, sure that someone would take notice and fight to keep me if push came to shove. Instead, I got my final check, a complimentary coffee mug with the company logo slapped on the side and a gift certificate for a dozen free bagels at the deli that catered all the corporate meetings.
The drive home energized me with the prospect of starting a whole new chapter of my life. I turned the radio up and sang along to KC and the Sunshine Bands Walking On Sunshine. For the first time since in my life I felt alive. I waved at strangers, honked as I drove by cows in a field and let pedestrians have the right of way in the crosswalk.
This feeling of euphoria lasted as long as the song. By the time I rolled up to the four-way stop near my apartment building, Frank Sinatras Summer Wind had driven me to tears. As I waited for my turn, it hit me. I was screwed. No job, a limited supply of cash in the bank, a car payment and an overdue cell phone bill. I turned on my hazards and rested my head on the steering wheel.
Eventually I stopped crying and got a grip over my emotions. Part of this had to do with the volunteer fire department arriving after someone reported a belligerent woman behind the wheel holding up traffic. Nothing short of a miracle, I regained sanity and drove home. I changed into my running pants and a hooded sweatshirt and slipped into some flip-flops.
I needed fresh air and I needed to work through my emotions. A walk to the neighborhood corner store would have a quick fix. My mind was numb from all the stimuli. At work my problem solving skills and scientific methods revolved around paper jams in the copy machine and broken staplers.
How does the saying go? Something about a door shutting and a window of opportunity opening? I felt like my hands were slammed in the door and the only window had metal bars on it. I challenged myself to not look at this as an obstacle, but an opportunity. There is always an opportunity to improve upon a situation, you just have to recognize it.
At the store I debated between malt liquor and a box of wine. (And I thought alternatives to antidepressants and tequila were non-existent.) I didnt want to drown my problems, only silence them with temporary distractions. A case of Diet Coke and a family-size tube of cookie dough would do the trick. I had a feeling it was going to be a rough night.
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