Excerpt
But I want more than friendship. I want to marry you.
Parker, weve had fun and no strings.
True.
My life with Howard was an open book, and Ive told you a lot about it. Youve told me about your marriage to Ashley, but I know so little else of your life. Chuck once mentioned a college marriage.
This day was not going as he had hoped. He had been elated about showing his new home, the home he wanted to share with her; now she was asking him to go back into his past again.
He hesitated; then staring straight ahead, he said, Well, Beth was a college sweetheart. We were married for seven years. I cant tell you why it didnt last--its really hard to explain. Maybe we were too young. We had to struggle financially. I just cant put it into words.
She watched his face, but she saw no emotion there.
He turned to look at her. What else do you want to know?
Has she remarried?
If she has, I havent heard about it.
Mary was disappointed. She wanted to think of his ex-wife as being happy in her new life.
Parker was getting exasperated, but he tried not to show it. He had liked Marys direct ways but now he felt she was meddling. Mary, he said in a stern voice, I havent seen Beth for some years. Its better that way.
I guess, she hesitated. Its good you are not tied to your pastits just that I dont understand why you havent mentioned it before.
Is it important?
She thought it was important that she know everything, but apparently he liked to hide compartments of his life. I suppose not.
They sat together in silence. Finally, Parker pointed toward the street. See, just beyond the edge of that next building is the pool and a clubhouse. When summer comes, I hope youll feel free to use the pool all you like.
That would be nice. Mary rose. I think wed better be getting back. I have a repairman coming at 3:00.
We have another hour. Dont you want to see the pool and clubhouse?
She looked up at Parker and smiled. Another time.
Driving back to her house, Mary had nothing to say. Parker felt a distinct distance between them. He didnt feel he had to explain his past. Other marriages break up, and only the people involved really know the cause. As a gentleman, he felt restrained from telling Mary whose fault it really was.
Look, Mary, Parker said, I think we should put the past in the past. This is today, and you and I have a new chance; that is to say, I hope that I have a chance with you.
She said nothing.
They pulled up in front of Marys house, and Parker walked her to the door. I wont come in today, Mary. He paused at the door. You know, sometimes the past is best left alone. I hope you will think things over and not judge me harshly.
He reached over to peck her on the cheek. Ill call you tomorrow. Without waiting for her to respond, he turned and left. As he walked to the car, his heart was heavy. He had hoped that the trip to see the house would open their relationship into something deeper but he didnt want to discuss his other marriages.
All through the evening, his sad mood persisted. He had adored the women in his life. Now, after spending many years alone between his divorces, he was surprised to find how vulnerable he was to Marys hint of disapproval. Still, he felt that she was the right person for him. She was independent and forthright, but also kind. No one would try to put anything over on Mary; but then, if she were treated with fairness, he knew that she would be fair.
He was tired of being quizzed by Chuck and Mary about Beth. He had pushed her very far back in his mind for many years. He remembered falling in love with Beth. She was beautiful and radiant and transparently kind. She embodied all the traits that were lacking in his home where his mother Matties somber attitude was devoid of joy. Beth was as different from Mattie as possible; and, as a young man, that was what he had wanted.
After they were married, she went along with all his decisions, even those that she said she didnt like. He had loved her deeply, but, in time, it bothered him that she was so centered and long-suffering while he struggled with so many opposing impulses and they grew apart.
Later, when he met a much younger Ashley after his divorce, he was excited by her looks and vitality. She seemed impressed with his status as a tenured professor and he enjoyed having that respect. He had more money by then, and they had fun buying a house and furnishing it. They found hobbies together and lived each day to the fullest. Things were fine until she obsessed about not having children. Their efforts to adopt were thwarted and why that happened was still a mystery. When Ashleys career became her main focus, he felt left behind.
Now there was Mary, a lovely person who had had a fulfilling love and marriage. She was active in civic clubs but she did not have career goals. She was content to cook meals and manage the house, yet she was smart looking and intellectually stimulating. But she was angling for information that he didnt think he could give her. Her questioning his past gave him a feeling close to outrage, but it really was more like hurt. He had come to Mary with his lifes achievements only to sense a lack of trust. He would need to regain his status with her, but he had no doubt that he could do that.
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