Excerpt
Listen, Im a child of the sixties, so I remember when things were neato and groovy and like, cool. Maynard G. Krebs was a teenage fascination and, since Ive had this life-long habit of answering yeah to peoples questions, The Beatles singing yeah, yeah, yeah was okay with me, too. But I could also tell you I also knew that I cant get no satisfaction is a double negative, and lay in lay, lady, lay across my big brass bed, is the wrong form of the verb.
I wont argue that there are situations that call for casual conversation, but there are also situations that demand a higher level of communication. Our casual approach to both the written and spoken word has become so acceptable that it is obliterating proper English. If we dont know the difference, and arent trained well-enough to fall back on our fundamentals, then we can kiss the Queens English goodbye.
Henry Seidel Canby once wrote, with regard to grammar, spelling, and punctuation, In short, all that is required is precisely the same desire for good grammar that most of us have for clean faces. Not to have what little there is of English grammar at your command (even if you remember not three rules) is as disgraceful as a typhus epidemic in a civilized city.
There is power in using just the right word to convey the subtlest of thoughts. If this werent the case, then our language might have been formed with one each of every part of speech: one noun, one article, one pronoun, etc. Imagine how colorless our language would be.
As much as I tried, over the years, to avoid the Gram in grammar, I am so grateful that my grandmother and mother, as well as my devoted English teachers, saw the immense value in effective English expression. We may not always remember to not split, uh, not to split an infinitive, or not to leave a participle dangling, but it would be nice to think, at the very least, we could nurture our mother tongue, keeping it vibrant and true.
Speaking well and writing well were not the only mandatory classes at Miss Patties. I had to suffer through Hats and Gloves 101, Acceptable Attire for Proper Young Women, and several years of Nice Young Ladies Dont.... More on acceptable attire in a later chapter, when I discuss the many limitations of my everyday wardrobe.
When I mentioned some of the directives that Mahna was famous for, you have to imagine them all preceded by nice young ladies dont. For example, nice young ladies dont put their elbows on the table, nice young ladies dont mumble or slouch, and nice young ladies dont speak until they are spoken to. You get it. Whether in the privacy of our own home or in a public place, the rules were always the same. I honestly cant remember a moment when she excused my inappropriate language or behavior, simply because she might have been tired or busy. When Mahna was working hard at her job, so was I.
If this all sounds too harsh, and by todays standards it was, I think I accepted the relentless instruction because I wasnt alone; most of my friends were being taught similar courses. In fact, the modes of behavior that were the basis of my existence at home, were reinforced at school, ballet lessons, piano lessons, visits with relatives, and sleepovers at friends houses. My grandmothers catch phrases, like, I wont tell you again, and act like a lady were uttered with the same determination in Mrs. Weimans third grade class, Miss Hannays first year Algebra, and Mrs. Lyles American Lit 101 grammar school, high school, and college. Did every adult in my life have the same commitment to propriety and decency? Had they gone to Miss Patties, too?
Sometimes I couldnt help but think it was all a conspiracy to make me boring and uninteresting. Actually, some who know me now would probably say I am boring when Im on my etiquette soapbox. But I cant help but feel sorry for all the children whose grandmothers never cared enough to teach them which silverware to use at a formal dinner or how to speak politely and eloquently with grown adults. Some pragmatists might say that these skills are superfluous in todays world. I mean, how often do we set a formal table or deliver a speech to a large gathering? Well, we may not all be invited to dine at The White House, but if an invitation comes my way, Im ready! And if I have to one day write a grant for funds to save the sea turtles in Florida, Im ready. There are millions of adults in this country who cant fill out an application, cant write a cover letter to include with a resume, and wouldnt know correct grammar if it came out of an ATM machine neatly tied to a hundred-dollar bill. Theyll never be ready.
What my family and my teachers knew, many years ago, was that learning proper speech, manners, and behavior would ultimately give me the confidence and poise necessary to interact in civilized circles. Emily Post knew that etiquette is the measure of decent behavior, and when I think back on all the lessons I learned at Miss Patties, I see that decency was taught by example. Im proud to be a graduate. After all these years I now know that whatever I do in this life, I will proudly continue the commitment to social graces and proper communication. And, if Im really fortunate, Ill be the unrelenting grandmother that my own grandchildren will one day remember as Miss Sannys School of Etiquette.
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