Excerpt From the Book

Many individuals confuse infatuation and lustful feelings with love. They talk about “falling in love,” loving “at first sight,” “making love,” and falling “out of love.” Some apparently fall in and out of love so often, and with so many people, that they must indeed be confused regarding what love really is. There are all kinds of people in this world and it is not possible for one to have relationships with all of them. Therefore, one must choose and this choice should not be taken lightly.

All kinds of incompatible combinations are possible when individuals choose to interact with each other. Still, choosing to make a family with someone and deciding to “love” someone forever, are undoubtedly among the most important decisions that a human being ever makes. Despite romantic notions that are made popular in American mass media, love is not just something that we “do” with anyone, for our own selfish enjoyment, then just move on to the next victim when we get tired of the relationship. Neither are such behaviors without significant social consequences.

Love takes time to build. Hence, whatever feelings might become apparent when individuals first meet could hardly be considered love, when they know very little, if anything about each other. Love exists, when two individuals who are capable of independence, make the conscious choice to become interdependent on each other. They grow to know each other much better, while respecting and admiring each other very deeply. Their relationship is mutually beneficial and growth enhancing, and they both commit to sharing their lives (the great, the good and the most challenging). Love, I believe, is not fleeting. One does not just fall in or out of it. One does not just leave when it becomes difficult, and one certainly cannot recognize it, “at first sight.”

In many Eastern cultures, there is the idea that marital decisions and matters regarding family formation, are far too serious to be made by young souls. Consequently, those decisions are left to those who are older, those who are more experienced and supposedly much “wiser.” In the Western world however, focus on romantic feelings and emphasis on instant gratification, lead many individuals to confuse love with lust and infatuation. This often drives them to indulge in behaviors that quite often results in disasters in many areas of their lives and in the lives of others also.

The concept of “family” seems very straightforward in the East. It is the coming together of man, woman, and their respective families, for the sole purpose of creating a permanent arrangement and for establishing a positive environment in which traditions can be carried on and in which children can prosper. This is not the case however, in many areas of the West, where all kinds of temporary and sometimes confusing arrangements are known to exist. At the expense of family, many arrangements today simply are not meant to last. They seek to promote individuality, independence and aloneness, and they are often problem-laden, which lead to numerous other challenges for individuals involved and for the society as a whole. It is no wonder, so many find it easy to “fall in love,” and when it is not meeting their individual needs, they supposedly just “fall out of love” and walk away to form new relationships.

Divorce and divorce-related concerns, are major problems in our Western world, and especially the United States. In fact, for years, America has consistently maintained the unenviable position of being among countries with the highest divorce rates in the world. There is something about the American society and the disposable way in which many have the tendency to view families, which seem to foster the development of relationships that are neither fulfilling nor lasting.

Discouragingly, the situation does not appear to be getting any better. More Americans agree that divorce and divorce-related concerns are far too common today. Many also agree that it is time for us to take steps that are more drastic towards promoting the benefits of marriage, towards exposing the evils of divorce and towards finding ways to view families in terms that are both positive and permanent.