At 6:36 AM she emerged into a cold room with white tile walls, harsh lights and many hard surfaces. In spite of the discomfort, it was a relief to partially separate from the intense fear of the one who brought her here. She vaguely remembered willingly leaving the warm comfort of Mother to come to this place. She and Mother were so excited at the shining brilliance of the Spirit Journey she was launching. They dreamed places and times she would cross, and set opportunities and choices in motion for what she would encounter in these places and times. They wrote reminders of all this in patterns she could recognize as she traveled her Spirit Journey.
There would be wonderful companions who remembered Mother as well, and they could all speak with each other in a way most could not understand. Best of all, each of them would be bringing a purpose to the places they would inhabit. Each of them would have their own purpose, and as they lived it, they would be filled with joy. Their joy would be an attracting force for others, and marvelous things would happen when these others each learned to discover and live their own purpose. “What was that now?” She strained to capture a fleeting idea but it eluded her. Mother promised she would remember when the time was ripe, but she never dreamed she would begin to forget so quickly.
Right now she was in a whirl of confusion. The sounds and smells and the chill in the air were alien and frightening. How did she get here? She remembered she had just spent a long time growing a body under a nervous and often pounding heart. This heart really wanted a child and she was becoming a child, so she told herself “it would surely be OK. Of course this world would love her and nurture her journey, wouldn’t it? She and Mother had talked about it. Hadn’t they?”
But when she emerged into this cold and noisy place she lost her guidance systems. She had little control of this new body she had worked so long to make. She willed herself to the other side of the room, but nothing happened. She roared a message to those around her, but she could tell no one heard. She was trapped and immobilized, arms waving and legs kicking helplessly.
She could feel the other beings around her. A couple of them were delighted and fulfilled by her successful birth. Their lights were shining very brightly. One had been up all night and just wanted food and sleep. That one’s light was gentle but fuzzy. Another was bored and disinterested. “My tenth baby this week. There has to be something fun to do. I need a break.” That light was jittery and funny colored.
Then there was the biggest one. Waves of power rippled from her form, but the very center of her essence was a black, bottomless hole. She pressed her thumb firmly in the center of the girl-child’s forehead and a roar waved out of her. “NO! You may not do that here.” The thumb pressed harder between the baby girl’s eyes. “NO, what you bring is forbidden. Abandon it or die”
The room had gotten very quiet. A heavy pall in the air made it hard to breathe and no one seemed to be moving. A faint, golden glow slipped into the room and surrounded the infant. Then the biggest one slipped away and the rest seemed to come awake with a start, then go about their work as though they had noticed nothing unusual. The newborn lustily screamed her displeasure, which appeared to please everyone else.
She was wrapped in something warm and soft then carried to the woman who had helped her grow a body. The woman’s fear had dissolved and little flashes of joy were coming from her heart. Her mate leaned over and kissed them both. “The doctor said she is healthy,” the woman said. “She won’t die like our first daughter. We’re a family now.”
The baby didn’t understand the words, but she could feel the relief and happiness coming from the pair. Perhaps this Spirit Journey would be good after all. It troubled her that she couldn’t quite remember what it was – something to do with light and darkness - and the thought of the thumb of the dark one sent a shiver through her. But right now she was being offered food so she settled contentedly in the warm arms of the woman.
The pair made a fuss over her, noticing her hair would be very dark and wondering what color her eyes would be. She was a bit startled when they named her Beauty. Mother had said, “A name is supposed to remind you of what you promised your life would be.” “What does Beauty have to do with my Spirit Journey?” she thought, as she drifted off to sleep. The images of her new home filled her awareness, leaving no room to dream of Mother or where she had lived before starting this new body. She dreamed of bright lights surrounding her, and a dark, heavy cloud hiding in a corner not far away.
After a few days, the pair carried her to their own home and the dreams of the dark one disappeared. Other family members visited, bringing gifts, and there was so much joy. These people had such hopes for the life she would live. She could see the pictures in their minds, and they made her a bit nervous even though they were filled with love and optimism. In one dream she was wearing rich, heavy clothing, and in another, standing in a marble hall. A third dream showed her kneeling alone in a tiny room, her hair covered and her head bowed. She didn’t understand any of them, and somehow seeing the dream-pictures made her lose more of the memory of her Spirit Journey.
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