She lunged at his statement and got up into his distraught face, with her head giving him, her best “shake you off” gesture, she even pointed her finger in his face as she spat forth, “I don’t answer to you. I’m a single lady now…listen to me…I will not let anyone CONTROL me. I’m free and educated and over 30, you can no longer bend me to your will, we’re Not Married anymore. I don’t need you to take care of me – I can take care of myself. I am not your little girl, Theo. I’m a grown ass woman with a career, ambition and an education, I have THE Control over my life not you,” she continued to yell.
Theo was at his wits end, he could not understand how he and this woman that he once adored could be so far apart, and especially due to so remote a subject matter. He took a step toward the door and opened it a crack as the sun poured into the hallway, she looked statuesque among the shadows. She stood in the midst of the sunshine, her face eclipsed by the light; it shadowed her down to the neck. He could see her breast tips protruding from her fitted silky yellow blouse that tucked neatly into her business brown skirt, with box pleats tracing the hem. An inch below where it stopped her shapely knees were shimmering in coffee colored silk stockings, which caused sunbeams to radiate from their surface into a splattered rainbow against the beige wall. His eyes traveled down her bohemian curved legs to her copper- bronzed heels, strapped at her ankles. This would be the last vision of her he’d commit to memory.
He stepped forward as if gesturing with a hug. He was ready to reverse time and start fresh, on her terms. She sensed his change in attitude but only motioned with her outstretched hand, while the other clung to her coordinated purse. He could not tell from her silent communication whether she wanted him to “wait” or “stop”, but he fully understood her strong message. It halted him in his tracks, and he swallowed a sip of pride with his next breath.
These would be his parting words to his wife and mark the turning point of his life, “Hon, I’ve only been trying my best to love you better for three months now, but every time I reach out to touch you, you…you bring up this control issue. So answer me this, If I’ve been trying to make love to you but unable to manifest that into reality for a full 90 days, what is that, if it’s not CONTROL. And if you agree that’s real “control” tell me who has it.”
He allowed the huge courthouse door to close behind him before she could utter a reply. “Whatever!!!…,” she screamed as the door swung freely on a soundproof hinge and finally made a clang as the metallic clasp locked into place. Theo felt closed off from his world and his sweetheart, his head began to spin while his heart went into a low murmur. This was a new and uncomfortable posture for him; he bent his head and idled to his vehicle across the street, almost oblivious to the car that swerved to keep from hitting him. As he adjusted his rear view mirror, he caught a glimpse of his own face, and saw a tear at the edge of his reddened eye. This would be their last exchange together and he swallowed his sadness along with his second gulp of pride and drove off, onto the streets, into the sunset…
The cab driver honked his horn, frustrated at the slowing traffic and adjusted his rear view mirror, Theo caught a glimpse of his face again, and it startled his thoughts back into the here and now.
Theo had arrived. It was his 1st cruise. The 2nd if you count a traveling companion. He’d been once before with his wife. It was a hot and humid Sunday, October 17th, 2004 – at precisely 1:30 pm New Orleans time.
It was his first cruise alone, this time for 7days. Enough time to clear his head of the final memories of his divorce, and re-engage into the flow of life. If pain had a chronological age associated with it, then his ailment was now a teenager (16 months old), and would qualify for dating privileges. Theo was more damaged by it than he realized and perhaps more bruised than he understood. He’d gone through an array of emotions, anger, sadness, loneliness even embarrassment. His comment to a bar pal months ago was, “my heart feels like it’s been occupied by bad-ass section8 tenants”, who under both the laws of the land and of relationships were entitled to normal wear and tear. But Theo felt, worn and torn “my spirit has been worn down to the last nerve-like a root canal, and my mental state is tore up from the floor up”. The divorce decree was a way of filing suit for their souls; each wanted the other’s tenant out of their habitat, to avoid constant withdrawal on an emotional bank account.
Theodore had a pity party which had gotten carried away and out of hand, and lasted longer than an average weekend. Then slowly as if awakening from a deep coma he began to re-engage life on his own terms. This cruise was the capstone event of his renewal. He was determined to fully participate in all there was to do aboard. Having thought to have healed himself emotionally, and kept himself in good shape physically, Theo had vowed to enjoy himself “socially” in the fullest sense of the word. His new life resolution; to enjoy being in the company of women and involved in wonderment. He had no idea what was really in store for him and of the relationship that would, shake his beliefs, shift his paradigm and change his life forever.
|