When Jackie’s body was brought into the coroner’s office she had suffered unimaginable trauma and abuse before her death. Her body was covered in bruises, contusions, abrasions and multiple deep cut wounds. There were 27 stab wounds on her torso, arms and legs, ligature burns on her neck and wrists and her skull was cracked in four places made by an attack with a blunt object. She had been tortured beaten and stabbed to death; murdered by her husband because she was trying to escape from his ongoing battering and abuse. She was not able to find sanctuary in time.


This story is not unique. Sadly, it is played out a hundred times over. The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she tries to leave her abuser.



The Special Needs of the Older Survivor

The more mature woman faces a number of difficulties that are not necessarily experienced by younger women.


1. She most likely does not have an independent source of income.
2. She is probably living isolated from family and friends.
3. Her abuser(s) may very well be her own grown children that have been raised in an atmosphere of observing their mothers abuse for years and believe this is normal.
4. She probably lacks a sense of self-worth and believes she deserves the abuse she suffers.


There are many women that find themselves caught in a vicious cycle of abuse that most likely has been perpetuated for many years. As noted above, she may have suffered early abuse from her husband in an atmosphere that has unfolded in front of her children. The male children grow up feeling that the abuse is normal or that this is how a man must maintain control over “his woman” and will become an abuser himself. Young women grow up in abusive homes to believe that it is normal to live with abuse. It was not all that long ago that women were expected to “accept their lot in life.” The old adage “you made your bed, you lie in it” was looked at as the expected, mature attitude to have. If you married him he must have had some redeeming qualities, a young woman was told. “For better or worse” was the Christian response. Forgiveness the only answer to one’s wedding vows. Divorce was, if not unheard of, at the very least considered the failure of the wife to submit to her proper place in the family. She became shunned; an outcast in her community. And God forbid if she seek comfort from another man. She then became loose, a Jezebel, a fallen woman, no matter how innocent that association or friendship might be.


But whether a woman has lived with abuse all her adult life, has suffered the abuse from her grown children or perhaps become involved with a second relationship that has turned abusive, the mature survivor has unique needs apart from those of the younger survivor or woman with small children. I have been told often that a mature woman is reluctant to “escape” to an atmosphere of the average domestic violence shelter that can often be chaotic, noisy and fraught with incidents of violence itself. Several women have told me they feel they have no option but the streets or staying with their abuser. Often domestic violence shelters are family oriented and have the responsibility of caring for young children that have special needs of their own. The older woman needs a calmer, quieter atmosphere. A serene surrounding aids in the healing process and allows for a much more accommodating atmosphere of learning, as she goes through counseling, life-lesson classes, and job training.