Chapter 1 Take a look inside “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2 KJV)
Do you know how hard it is to be honest with yourself? Sometimes it is easier to tell your boss or your spouse the truth about how you messed up rather than to admit to yourself that you aren’t perfect. When you have to admit to someone else a fault or a failing they will generally make whatever nasty, or otherwise, comments they are going to make than go on. They may remind you of it and rub your face in it every once in a while. But if the person or persons really get on your nerves you can walk away and not talk to them or phone them or email or text or tweet but when you admit something to yourself it has to stay with you forever and it is not so easy to walk away from your own feelings, thoughts and emotions.
They say, and I am still trying to figure out who the they is, that if we can ever get to the point where we can admit our faults we are that much closer to resolving them. You know when I think about it and am honest with myself, I know they are right. I used to see pictures of myself and even though I was well over 200, 250 and yes over 300 pounds I would always say “you don’t look that bad.” Who was I kidding? I looked awful. But I could never admit to myself that my behavior was not good for me or healthy or that my behavior was just plain bad and self-destructive. I could never admit to myself, mainly because I always thought I was cute, that I looked horrific. In fact at one point in my life my oldest sister even likened me to Jabba the Hut; remember him from the Star Wars movie. That was a hurtful statement to make and believe me it did hurt. But guess what, even though that pronouncement wasn’t enough to get me to look at myself and be honest with myself, it did stay in my mind and occasionally would rear its very ugly head.
Maybe honesty with ourselves is so difficult because none of us wants to admit that we have imperfections. I certainly think I’m near perfect, don’t you think that about yourself, so to come face to face with the reality of being morbidly obese was more than I chose to accept or even to deal with. In retrospect I know that the main reason I did not take action to change my issue was because I wouldn’t admit I had an issue. When what we are involved with renders our lives less than happy and what we’ve become hinders us from reaching our full potential than honesty is needed. It is hard for me even now to admit that I truly was not the jolly, happy, fat person that I pretended to be. Can you admit to yourself that your addictive behavior is down right ugly and potentially destructive to say the least? It is hard to be honest with yourself isn’t it?
Answer the below questions and be honest. These questions relate to the issue in your life that probably needs to change. In my case of course the issue was food and my love affair with it but your issue may be something totally different. Note that this is not a professional psychological test but simply a way to help you assess where you are, how you feel about you and areas where you may be lying to you. If you have ever experienced any of these feelings answer “Yes” otherwise answer “No”.
1. I think about it all the time. ___ Yes ___ No
2. I am happy with the way I am. Why change? ___ Yes ___ No
3. I often say “I’m not that bad”? ___ Yes ___ No
4. I am very unhappy with myself. ___ Yes ___ No
5. I have tried and just can’t do it. ___ Yes ___ No
6. My new year’s resolution will be to change. ___ Yes ___ No
7. I don’t care what other people think. ___ Yes ___ No
8. I am embarrassed by what I have become. ___ Yes ___ No
9. I want to change but don’t know how. ___ Yes ___ No
10. I am tired of being this way. ___ Yes ___ No
11. I get angry when a loved one mentions the issue. ___ Yes ___ No
12. There is something missing in my life that I need filled. ___ Yes ___ No
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