In the morning, I woke up before Todd. I was turned away from the door and didn’t feel him against me. His arm was still being used as my pillow, but his body was sprawled out on the other side of the bed. I slowly turned, not wanting to wake him, and saw his face turned toward me. His right hand was lying peacefully on his stomach.
After settling back down, I looked at him and just stared. How is it I was mad at that beautiful man for so long? I wondered as I looked at the perfection lying beside me. His soft, gentle face, off in dreamland. He was so generous and loving when I needed him, even after I had refused all contact. His heart really was for me. I only wished I had realized it sooner.
I reached over and touched the back of my hand to his cheek. He stirred, lifting his head back on the pillow, then settled again. I ran my thumb across the pink, full lips and imagined my lips, once again, pressed against his. I traced my fingertips, gently, down his chin, along his neck and across his chest. I met his hand on his tight stomach and slowly, but gently, pried it away from his body and interlocked my fingers with his.
A moment later, I lay my head along his chest, staring at our fingers, not knowing which were his or mine. I kissed his muscled chest, softly, allowing my lips to take in the slightly salt taste of his skin; letting my nostrils breath in his masculine odor. How did I go so long without missing it?
Without moving my head, I softy whispered that I loved him.
“I love you, too, Blake.”
Slowly, I turned to look into his eyes. “How long have you been awake?”
“About twenty minutes, I guess,” he said with a smile.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Because I was watching you sleep. The way your body moved with every breath… I was mesmerized. And when you started to stir, I closed my eyes.”
I put my head back on his chest, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole lately.”
“Shush! You have no reason to apologize,” he said turning his body toward me. Lifting my head back to his arm, he reached his hand up and caressed my cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt sooner. I was so scared of everything I was feeling. The emotions rushing through me were just so strong… I’ve never felt them before. I didn’t know what they were—not until I hurt you. The day you told me you saw me kiss Paige, I could see the hurt in your eyes and that’s when I finally understood what was going on inside me. My heart broke for you because I had hurt you. I fully felt the love I had for you for the first time and understood what it was I was feeling.”
His hand placed firmly on my cheek, he allowed his thumb to caress my lips. “You are my world, Blake. My everything. I don’t want to ever hurt you again. I never want to lose you.”
The tears started to come to the surface and I could tell my eyes were turning red. I placed my hand upon his and turned my face to kiss his palm. I looked back into the emerald sparkles of his eyes and smiled. Without saying a word, I slowly leaned in and allowed our lips to meet for the first time in over a month. The gentle, soft touch of our lips connected with a feeling of electricity. In that instant, I knew I never had stopped loving Todd. The same feelings I had the first time we kissed made an encore appearance and I knew I was still, completely, totally and hopelessly in love.
I placed my left hand on his right cheek. I didn’t want him breaking this kiss. The power behind the softness was intense. The slight moisture between our skins, the suppleness of touching tongues, the breath we breathed…was all for each other. To share and be shared. To become one with our mouths.
I dropped my head slightly, to break the kiss. Looking back at his face, I was speechless. I moved my hand to his forehead and brushed his bangs to one side. I let my fingertips move back to his cheek and finally, touched his lips once more.
Finally, my voice came out of nowhere. “I can’t believe how lucky I am and how stupid I was to almost lose you.”
There was a pause before Todd spoke. “I meant what I said Monday night.”
I gave him a confused look, not remembering, and he continued. “You can beat on me all you want, but I’ll never stop loving you. I would journey to the four corners of the Earth to find you. If you ever asked anything of me, I would do it. Blake, I love you so much, I’d die for you. To keep you from hurting again, to keep what we have at this very moment, there is no sacrifice too great.”
My tears started flowing, sideways, across my face. It first started as happy cries, but soon turned into full fledged, heartbreaking tears and sobs.
“What’s wrong?” he said, as he wiped tears from my face.
“You are willing to die for me…and my parents…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Todd wrapped his arms around me and held me close. He let me cry; he let me deal with my demons while he protected me from everything else.