Perhaps you’re too young to remember this, but way back when, in the late 1960s and early 1970s, adults were considered ‘the establishment’. Teens balked at taking advice from anyone in ‘the establishment’, and they strove for a new life – a peaceful existence. The Establishment became ‘a dirty word’ for the teenage and college set and, maybe without knowing it, they charted a course toward disrespect, intolerance and an inability to accept others for whom they are. If you didn’t fit in to the ‘new way of life’, you were pigeonholed into the establishment. In other words, outcasts and adults. Although, to be fair, the establishment was mostly adults. So what does the establishment have to do with bullying? Just this – the bent toward disrespect and intolerance of others’ ideas and beliefs, as well as the right ‘to be different’, manifests in our younger generation. Their disrespect toward each other is truly staggering, for they feel entitled to mistreat anyone they see fit. Bullying knows no bounds and, unbelievably, bullying occurs within families, too. Even the love and protection of your family is no longer sacred. I can tell you the chronological tale about bullying and its metamorphosis since the ‘70s, but I think it’s more important to discuss what’s happening now – today. You already know that incidents of bullying are escalating at an alarming rate – all you have to do is listen to the news a couple of times a week. That’s disturbing enough, but what I find to be even more disturbing is that bullying now crosses gender lines in the sand, and teenage girls are at the forefront of the bullying epidemic. Within the last year, there have been several videos of teen girls ganging up on one of their peers, beating and kicking her senseless. And do you know what’s worse (if there is anything worse)? Many of these bullying episodes included adults egging on the girls who were committing the crime. Yes. Crime. Why is there so much rage among young people? Oh, don’t get me wrong . . . it’s not just young people! Just the other day, I was watching a television show in which an employee was verbally berating another staff member, and those who witnessed the tongue lashing did nothing – clearly, the behavior was common place for that business, and no one had the guts to stand up for the person who was at the receiving end of the bullying. Or, they didn’t care. If you’re wondering why I was watching the television show in the first place, I was channel surfing and that was where I landed. Because of my obvious interest in the topic of bullying, I instantly recognized that the conversation I was watching was nothing but bullying in its finest form. Truthfully, I was mesmerized by the verbal abuse being hurled by the bully – and, I was as equally mesmerized by the number of people who watched and did nothing. Watching that television show for no more than five minutes reinforced my knowledge and belief that bullying is an everyday occurrence at home, at school and at work.
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Up until the last several years, a teen bully was thought to have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Now? Not so much. Psychologists now recognize that teen bullies most often have a highly developed self esteem, as well as a sense of entitlement and superiority. In addition, they typically lack self control, compassion and impulse control. They are often cruel, without remorse and they use bullying as an ‘anger management technique’. In other words, when they’re punching in someone’s face or kicking them into submission, that’s how they manage their anger. Lovely. Let’s look at the personality traits of bullies, in addition to the traits I mentioned in the previous paragraph:
• a bully has little regard for the rights and needs of others, • bullies have little regard for the lives of others, especially if they see that person as a threat to them, • a bully was disciplined inconsistently as a young child, • a bully may have neglectful, self-centered parents, • a bully has a lack of social skills, • a bully rarely, if ever, admits mistakes, and • a bully believes that ‘might makes right’.
There are more, but you get the idea. I think it’s safe to say that the bully ‘has issues’. All bullies are not created equal –there are several types: • hyperactive bullies don’t do well in a social situation, and they often react physically, • the detached bully is wonderful to everyone, except his or her victims, • social bullies have a poor sense of self, and they are mean and nasty to those around them, • the bullied bully deals with self helplessness by overpowering others, • the serial bully destroys lives one at a time, and pair bullies act together to destroy others.
I think it’s important to understand the personalities involved in bullies – as you can see, they come from every type of lifestyle, every environmental and behavioral situation, as well as every economical level. You may recognize some of them immediately, or you may be surprised when someone you admire turns on you without warning. And they’re falling through the cracks. They’re falling through the cracks at home, in school and in their everyday lives.
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