Chapter 23 WHY NOW? We started walking and she was behind me like she was an officer and I was her prisoner being led off to jail. “We need to sit here where Shaunda could see us and no one would get the wrong idea; you’re married now, so act like it! I can’t hold you today, as long as you have a wife our touching is over.” “Why the attitude Spirit, you act like you’re jealous or something because I’m married?” “You are so sad Allen, and you really need to grow up. I’m here to support you in your loss and you’re thinking about yourself, and getting angry with me because I’m not eating you up like your wife and your baby’s mama.” “You want to.” She jacked my ass up by putting her hand around my throat and stared me in the eye and released me before someone saw her. “Allen we’re going to talk, let’s not take this somewhere else. We’re friends; I want to talk to you as a friend.” “Spirit, you’re not my boss and I’m not afraid of you, I respect you but I’m not afraid you. I’m getting tired of you telling me what to do too.” “You won’t be satisfied until I harm you somehow. Allen I’m not trying to be your boss, I would never want a man that I have to tell him what to do. I’m not trying to put any fear in you either. Yes, I want to kick your behind sometimes, but that’s wrong.” “You finally realized that.” “Shut up! I’m sorry and I apologize if I make you feel that way.” “You’re apologizing as well? Praise the Lord!” She gave me a look that she hasn’t given me in a long time, that, “Don’t make me stomp your ass into the ground” look. “You better stop while you’re ahead; now, let’s talk. Especially about that little scene you made in there. Allen your behavior was so obvious. You’re at your parents’ funeral reception, and you have your wife and children in there. Then you walked out of the room all pissed because I was interacting with them; and I know that you were pissed with me. Allen you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Today I need you to let go.” My heart started to pound harder, my breathing got heavier and I don’t want to hear another word. “Stop it Allen, don’t you let go out here.” I couldn’t help it, and I started to cry. Her tone was telling it all and she wasn’t being easy on me. “Allen, I need you to listen to me. I can only be your friend and nothing more. As long as you’re married that’s all I could ever be. Allen I want my very own husband, and yes I was hoping that it would be you, but my wish didn’t come true.” “Spirit you’re acting like you’re upset about me being married.” “For heaven’s sake, yes Allen I wanted you to marry me. As I was holding those babies, I wished both of them were mine. I could’ve had five to ten babies with you. But that won’t happen, I won’t let it happen. I’ll never come between a husband and his wife. You made that decision not me. You can’t have the both of us, so stop behaving like it. Now I want you to forget about me and let me go and love your extremely beautiful wife and raise your two beautiful little girls. Allen, I don’t want to get you into any trouble and you don’t need to get into any trouble yourself, it’s not worth it.” Now all of my losses started to come upon me like a cinder block and I was tied to it and sinking into the river of sorrows. She held my hand and attempted to console me. “Spirit, why now? Out of all the times, why are you telling me this now?” “You’re leaving in a day or two Allen, you know why. Shaunda loves you so much, you love her, I’m in love with you and you’re falling in love with me. One of us needs to make the right decision and your desires won’t let you. I’m not going to have my feelings hurt again. I have cried for too long over you, and my prayers went unanswered.” “No they haven’t Spirit.” “What are you going to do Allen, divorce Shaunda? No, you’re not going to do that. Are we going to have an affair? No, you know I’m not going for that either. So tell me Allen, what do you want me to do?” I paused, and my mind went blank. She pulled me in closer, “I thought so. Listen, I’ll always love you darling, but I want you to do the right thing. Do you hear me Allen?” All I could hear was my heart breaking. She couldn’t resist from putting her arms around me and giving me my loving hug, the hug that I wanted from her all day. I cried, and she cried, then she whispered to me, “Be the best husband a man could ever be to his wife.” Then Shaunda came outside with our baby and gave her to Spirit and she embraced me and comforted me. It didn’t matter for what; she was just being the best wife that a woman could ever be to her husband.
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