My name is TroutIm plagued with the innate immaturity most men possess, but it is occasionally tempered by the wisdom gained from the clear recognition of my many past mistakes. That is not to say I dont make the same mistakes twice, or even more than that. It just means that what little wisdom I possess allows me to recognize a mistake when Im in the process of making one I have made before. We will master the intricacies of space and time, but women will forever remain mysterious. The most we can offer them is love and compassion, but never true understanding. Altruism does not exist, no matter what the priests and politicians might have us believe. All human actions are self-directed. Make no mistake, Mother Theresa washed the feet of the poor because she got off on it. It made her feel good to do the right thing according to her value system. give us the sex we need, and we'll lick the toilet clean if our woman asks us to. We'll even remember to put the seat down from time to time, although Ill never understand why women shouldn't be putting it up for us. the average exotic dancer probably wouldn't know the square root of eighty-onebut they understand enough to motivate a man to pay twenty dollars for two minutes of their time. That works out to six-hundred dollars an hour. They can make all that scratch for performing the amazing, incredible, death defying feat of looking good while dancing around with their tops off. Men are simple All we ask is that you show a tiny bit of appreciation for our bringing home that dead buffalo for dinner, and that you give us a reasonable amount of sex, and we will be happy little hunters. More often than not, the man will express these needs fairly clearly with phases like please give me more sex or I need more sex or could we have more sex, please? Women's needs are more varied, but in the end, not terribly complex. The problem is that women expect something from us that we simply, truly can't deliver ? they want us to be mind readers. Unlike an animal's act of hunting and feeding, the equivalent modern-day human expression does not enjoy the grace of automatic, objective neutrality. Good and evil exist because humans have the capacity to assign moral status. So long as a single human being lives, good and evil will have its place people are no longer allowed to be stupid and pay the price. Someone else is always held responsible for a persons own lack of judgment, negligence, carelessness, or just plain dumbness; and common sense has been abandoned in the name of outrageous jury awards. If something bad happens, it must be someone elses fault. This is a corruption of the individual. Those willing to abdicate responsibility for their actions should not be afforded the freedom to make decisions regarding their actions. The door to the head opened before I could say anything, and the two girls, looking like something straight out of the pages of a Playboy lingerie spread, struck a pose as they stepped out. Facing together, hands on each others shoulder and ass, they looked at me with their well-practiced and completely perfected look of intense sexual desire. They turned to each other and kissed, then came to bed. I started up the generator and unplugged the shore power. I was thinking about what it would be like to drown. It wasnt my preferred way to die, as I knew it wasnt as clean and simple as it seems in the movies, but a painful and relatively slow process. I wasnt really afraid, just curious as to how bad it would be. Being drunk would certainly help it along. The thundering horses drew a tighter and tighter circle around the hut. The enemys shouting voices became clear as did their monstrous appearance. They were not human, but gruesome creatures with misshapen faces and cruel yellow eyes, drool spilling from large, pointed teeth. I could see the heads of my comrades jammed onto the tips of their spears, and some of them were still alive and screaming. From early on, men were forced to blend individual competitive requirements with the need for teamwork. In order to bring down the mastodon, it took a number of men coordinating their efforts to get the job done. Even after that display of teamwork and camaraderie, once they got the meat back to the tribe, the bigger caveman would be more than happy to beat the snot out of the smaller caveman to get the hot cave-chick. Jumping on a grenade in combat is a real occurrence. Im not sure a guy would be so quick to demonstrate that same courage for a group of women. While it would be very impressive, he would be dead, which would result in his losing any chance at scoring with any of them. A quick thinking man would grab the best looking of the bunch and pull her to safety. If that didnt get him some, he might as well have taken the grenade. We have been transformed from a group of rugged individualists, slugging it out against a new and hostile frontier with a six-shooter at our side, to a bunch of helmet wearing, seatbelt clipping, airbag-loving, anti-bacterial soap sudsing, over-reacting safety junkies, forever screaming for our government to give us another fix. Fear is a prophylactic from the human experience. Overcoming fear promotes fertile soil for sowing the seeds of living a life less insipid. To be a man is to be cursed with the endless, relentless and nearly insatiable hunger for sexthat supercedes our ability to reason The penis is the E.F. Hutton of body parts. When it speaks, we listen. No matter how many times its advice turns out to be really, really, bad, well still listen. Its a wiring issue.
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