SUNDAY, July 24 Im up to three dry nights in a row, a positive sign of improving mental health. I wish.
Awanee has e-mailed me 17 photos of herself in a variety of attractive poses (all fully clothed, alas). She demands at least that many of me. This will be tough as no occupant of this trailer has ever shown the slightest interest in photography (or owns a camera).
8:47 p.m. Rot Dugan just dropped by with Tobys slave costumeonce again reeking of bad b.o. If that kid ever tires of the nickname Rot, he can always change it to Stinky. Rot reports his father will have a nice surprise for me tomorrow. What that might be he refused to say. Why must work be such a source of constant dread?
I decided to make a list of all the reasons I am not a popular person in this town. 1. Im poor. 2. I live in a trailer. 3. Im not tall, dark, and athletic. 4. I dress poorly and my grooming habits are not the best. 5. I have weird friends. 6. I dont suck up to teachers to get good grades. 7. I am willing to work as a Negro slave for money. 8. I could care less if my high school beats Elko (arch rivals) in any sport. 9. I lack a friendly, outgoing personality. 10. Im self-centered yet deficient in self-confidence.
To my credit: 1. Im not outrageously uglymy looks having been compared favorably to Brandon De Wilde, a deceased actor. 2. Some people find me intelligent. 3. I have well-developed and rather sophisticated musical tastes. 4. I shower regularly and rarely smell that bad. 5. I am loyal to my friends, unless stabbed in the back. 6. I am a decent person who tries to treat people well. 7. I am sensitive to the feelings of others. 8. I believe I have a lot of love to give to a special person. 9. I am not an abuser of cigarettes, snuff, or drugs. 10. I have a famous and glamorous brother.
Speaking of Nick, I e-mailed him a reminder to send that check to our father. As long as he has the checkbook out, I wish hed take a hint and send a monthly stipend to me. At least I wouldnt blow all his largesse on booze and pigeon feed.
MONDAY, July 25 The heat wave continues. Too bad we cant save up all this merciless heat and spread it around next January. Winter in Winnemucca in a drafty old trailer: the best argument yet for the imperative of suicide.
It was with a heavy heart that I made myself up as the Negro slave Toby and returned to work. The first thing Mr. Dugan said to me was that he was very tired of my grandmothers unreasonable demands, and if I didnt shape up I would be out the door. Guess he wasnt interested in hearing about what I did on my summer vacation. Even worse, my employers had another marketing inspiration (the ominous nice surprise). At his direction a sign company has fashioned an advertising sandwich board, which Toby is to wear while marching up and down Main Street every hour on the hour. This contraption consists of two large signs (joined at the top by vinyl straps) that drape over the victim and hang down fore and aft. Fastened to the bottom of each sign are small bells which tinkle merrily (Mrs. Dugans phrase) while one walks. The front sign reads: Wedding Bells Are Ringing at Dixie Belle Wedding Chapel! This is the teaser message. The rear hard sell sign reads: Get Married Now! No Appt Needed! Also Loving Adore Ceremonies! Affordable for all!
Since Toby is paid by the service and not by the hour, we had to negotiate a rate for this added work. Considering the heat and the humiliation factor, Toby felt $500 per forced march was a reasonable rate. Mr. Dugan countered with a very paltry $1. After strenuous negotiations, we settled on $2 per stroll.
As agreed upon, Toby walked four blocks up, crossed the street, walked eight blocks down, crossed the street, then walked four blocks back. This route, I was mortified to see, took me directly past the Silver Sluice casino. On my fourth circuit of the day lovely Uma came out and blocked my path.
Hi, Noel, she said.
Hi, Uma. Your toes are glistening.
It was true. Gold and silver glitter alternated on each perfect toenail on display in her fashionable sandals.
Nice of you to notice. Mary Glasgow and I got a little bored yesterday. Noel, I havent seen you much lately.
Well, you told me you werent interested in going out with me.
I may have said something to that effect, meaning on that particular day I wasnt interested in going out with anyone. But I didnt expect you to disappear off the planet.
I wasnt sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing.
Uh, I went to L.A.
So your grandmother informed me. How was it?
Super. We went to the beach. Went to a cool club and heard a great band. I met some nice girI mean, people.
Sounds great. Id like to hear all about it.
You would? Didnt you get that awful e-mail about me?
The rantings of a jealous female, Noel. I think Stoney Holt must be in love with you.
What?
Why else would she be so jealous? Want to come over after dinner? If its still this hot, we could cool off in my pool.
She was either inviting me over or I was having hallucinations from impending sunstroke.
Sure, OK, I stammered.
Great. You look a little ridiculous, Noel. And theres blood on your sock.
Yes, I know. Old Mrs. Freys schnauzer got to me.
You should get it attended to. Dog bites can be nasty.
Possibly, but at that moment I was feeling no pain.
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