It was probably easy to take freedom for granted, even now. But he was one who did not fail to appreciate this so-called fundamental right, even in its most basic form. Jack sat there watching the little sparrows bathing in the gorgeous fountain in Forsyth Park as he took a well-deserved break from dragging his 20, oh let’s call it 30 extra pounds of processed gelatin on the morning speed-walk ritual. The birds were so free...free to splash, free to play wing-whack with their buddies, free to find relief in the water. Ahhh, the bird life, he thought. It was not that long ago that human life was more bird-like. How on earth could it have changed so quickly? What had happened to those precious freedoms that the founders had so bravely fought for? Wars upon wars were fought to protect that fragile liberty. People died, or at least got an amputation or two, defending a simple set of values and principles that seemed self-evident rights even to the soggiest chip in the bag. A big crow swooped down, encircled the fountain like a NASCAR wannabe, and began squawking an obnoxious off-key chorus of a Thelonious Monk fusion thing, or something. Perhaps not jazz lovers, the sparrows quickly vamoosed. Even the hard-core sand gnats scrammed from the now unpristine scene. Jack tried to shoo the intruder away, but the more he shooed, the more stubborn old Monk seemed to be. Finally, the creep just parked himself on the sidewall of the fountain and quieted down. Maybe it was when they changed the name of the country. Yes, that was the turning point. A lot of countries had certainly changed their names before, without causing such a violent upheaval...just look at the continent of Africa. Pull a map from 20 years ago, and an average non-geography buff would not recognize half of the names. Shungfalinga was not even on the map 5 years ago. Get tired of a name? Change it to something else. Guess that was the thinking over there. Change your name, change your culture. Change your name, change your prospects. Change your name, change your grey matter for a whiter shade of pale. Change. But why change the name to The Obamanation? Of course, the official explanation was that it was shorter, fitting easier on currency, signs, and letterheads, thereby saving billions of dollars in cost. Billions. Sensible people did not believe that malarkey. Unfortunately, that particular segment of citizenry was becoming a slimmer and slimmer minority, on course for extinction. The Obamanation was it. Almost overnight, signs across the country were changed to the new logo. Directives went out that any towns or villages that retained the old name would face a host of government funding sanctions. One large, highly conservative state in the South fought the move semi-desperately, even considered a motion to secede from the Union again, eventually giving up and falling in line. Most citizens in the state just did not want to go to civil war over something so "trivial" as a name. After all, it was not the 19th century anymore. That kind of fighting spirit seemed to have gotten genetically neutered in a handful of generations. And why the "The" in the new name? Why not just Obamanation? Jack reckoned it harkened back to the wackiness years ago when self-esteem deprived students at Ohio State University needed some way to distinguish themselves, apparently, from the other schools in Ohio. Why not just change your name to Smudgefork University and take Ohio out of the mix, for cry sakes? But that whole "the" thing had a deeper impact for Jack. He was in high school at the time, and then went by his given name, John. Classmates picked up on the OSU craze, and began calling him The John. This did not sit well. Soon he changed to Jack. The Jack name had plenty of its own innuendos, but those seemed more upscale than The John. No, Jack did not like the "The" and decided he would leave it out in his personal conversations. Monk had selected a new number, more of a bebop styling with quick staccato licks of irritatingness. He wondered if crows could be taught to sing on-key by jazz professionals. Probably not...no ear. Certainly the slide started with good ole what’s-his-face...oops, could that be one of those new communication law violations that they now call a slurcrelege? Jack did not want to be slurcreligious in public by not obeying the new law that prohibited racial, religious, ethnic, handicap, socially-challenged, and Polish jokes. There was to be no more comical contests about how many so-and-so's it takes to change a light bulb. No. Light bulb changing would be done by certified union electricians, and that was that. The law further stipulated that the name Obama could not be used in vain, and any such violation would be considered high treason. Jack knew he had to keep most of his sinister thoughts to himself, just like the rest of his fellow Obamanons. Do we really have to call ourselves "Obamanons", he thought? My goodness. I am a proud Obamanon. I am feeling the Obamanon spirit. We Obamanons can compete with anyone in the world. There is nothing that a group of Obamanons can't do when they set their minds to it. Aaaarrrggghh! What’s-his-face may have started it, but then of course, his successor continued those left-cliff policies of his mentor. Arnold Shankfardt. How could a guy with a name like that ever get elected Dog Catcher, let alone President? Maybe it was because he was a multi-racial cross-dresser with a gimp. Maybe it was his campaign theme: If you liked him, you ain't seen nothing yet! Maybe it was because his 77-year old opponent dozed off for 3 minutes during the last debate. Could be all of the above. Fact is, he kept his campaign promise of taking his predecessor's policies to hyperspace.
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